"Bromwell High" Valentine's Day (TV Episode 2005) - Graeme Garden as Roger Bibby

Iqbal Kandallah : [watching cable TV] I've seen the future, and it is porn, sharks, and Nazis.

Roger Bibby : Excellent. That rather plays to my strengths.
Roger Bibby : Mrs. Rice-Davis, surely you understand this was an accident.

Mrs. Rice-Davis : I don't understand nothing.

Roger Bibby : I see. Playing hardball, are we?

Mrs. Rice-Davis : I don't understand nothing.

Roger Bibby : I see. Playing idiot ball, are we?
Prosecutor : Let me put the question another way. Can you tell what this is?

Judge : Let the record show that the prosecution is showing the plaintiff a picture of a hole in the ground.

Prosecutor : Is it any different to this?

Judge : Let the record show that the prosecution is showing the plaintiff a picture of her own arse.

Prosecutor : Well, Kylie, can you spot the difference?

Kylie Rice-Davis : No.

[the crowd gasps]

Prosecutor : Has no one ever taught you this?

Kylie Rice-Davis : No.

[the crowd gasps]

Roger Bibby : [offended] We covered it in Module 4!
Roger Bibby : Knowing me, I suspect I have a plan.
Roger Bibby : The school is being sued by one of its illiterate children. We've fouled our own glass coffee table, and now we must wipe it clean.

Carol Jackson : Reading is a mental function; how are we supposed to affect that? Shrink ourselves down so we can be injected into their brains like Racquel Welch in Fantastic Voyage? We're teachers, not film stars!

Graeme Garden: Roger Bibby