- Latrina: I love Valentine's Day.
- Keisha Marie: I like the bit where everyone gets drunk, and your dad fights with policemen.
- Latrina: That's Christmas Day!
- Keisha Marie: Oh yeah. I like the bit where they nail that bitch to the cross.
- Natella: That's Good Friday!
- Iqbal Kandallah: [watching cable TV] I've seen the future, and it is porn, sharks, and Nazis.
- Roger Bibby: Excellent. That rather plays to my strengths.
- Roger Bibby: Mrs. Rice-Davis, surely you understand this was an accident.
- Mrs. Rice-Davis: I don't understand nothing.
- Roger Bibby: I see. Playing hardball, are we?
- Mrs. Rice-Davis: I don't understand nothing.
- Roger Bibby: I see. Playing idiot ball, are we?
- Prosecutor: Let me put the question another way. Can you tell what this is?
- Judge: Let the record show that the prosecution is showing the plaintiff a picture of a hole in the ground.
- Prosecutor: Is it any different to this?
- Judge: Let the record show that the prosecution is showing the plaintiff a picture of her own arse.
- Prosecutor: Well, Kylie, can you spot the difference?
- Kylie Rice-Davis: No.
- [the crowd gasps]
- Prosecutor: Has no one ever taught you this?
- Kylie Rice-Davis: No.
- [the crowd gasps]
- Roger Bibby: [offended] We covered it in Module 4!
- Melanie Dickson: I know a lot of you are worried about Valentine's cards. There's no stigma attached to not receiving any. That is no stigma, okay? However, if you don't get any, you will be sent to a special class at break time, for your own protection.
- Natella: Davis has never sent anyone a Valentine's card. Not even Latrina. He's too cool.
- Keisha Marie: Yeah, he doesn't even talk to girls. He's the least gay boy ever.
- Natella: It's time we stood up and rejected the superficial values of beauty and attractiveness that pervade our morally bankrupt society!
- Melanie Dickson: That was very good. For a minger.
- Roger Bibby: The school is being sued by one of its illiterate children. We've fouled our own glass coffee table, and now we must wipe it clean.
- Carol Jackson: Reading is a mental function; how are we supposed to affect that? Shrink ourselves down so we can be injected into their brains like Racquel Welch in Fantastic Voyage? We're teachers, not film stars!
- Prosecutor: Tell us in your own words: just how stupid are you?
- Kylie Rice-Davis: I don't understand the question.