- Howard Wolowitz: I'm so glad you're learning Mandarin.
- Sheldon: Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: Because then you'll have a billion people to annoy instead of me.
- Penny: Thank you so much for your stupid advice!
- Raj Koothrappali: Incredible. You've managed to screw up the screw-up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why are you learning Mandarin?
- Sheldon: I suspect that the people at the Szechuan Palace are passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If I were you, I'd be more worried about what they're passing off as chicken.
- Sheldon: I think I need another Mandarin lesson. I don't think I got through to them.
- Howard Wolowitz: For heaven's sake, if you don't like the tangerine chicken, don't order the tangerine chicken.
- Sheldon: I like tangerine chicken, I'm just not getting tangerine chicken.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, well, you know, this isn't that bad. It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman who's open to expressing her affection in non-traditional locales.
- Penny: Oh God!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Elevators, parks, movie theatres, out of curiosity, is this subway the transportation system or subway the sandwich shop?
- Penny: Sandwich shop.
- Penny: I swear to God, I am done with guys like that. You know, macho, with the perfect body and the hair, and the money.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, that must get old quick.
- Penny: You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice, and honest, and who actually cares about me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What about me?
- Penny: What about you what?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What about if you went out with me?
- Penny: Are you asking me out?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Um... yes... I am... asking you out.
- Penny: Wow.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...
- Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally.
- Leonard Hofstadter: ...thing and honest but, it's no big deal...
- Penny: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes what?
- Penny: Yes, I will go out with you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
- Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah. That's the spirit
- Sheldon: What do I have to say to bring this discussion to a speedy conclusion?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Tell me whether or not I should go out with Penny.
- Sheldon: Schrodinger's cat.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wow, that is brilliant!
- Sheldon: You sound so surprised.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Before we go, have you heard of Schrodinger's cat?
- Penny: Oh, I have heard more than enough about Schrodinger's cat.
- Raj Koothrappali: Look, I found an iPod.
- Howard Wolowitz: It's broken beyond repair. What are you going to do with it?
- Raj Koothrappali: What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.
- Penny: Wanna sit down?
- Sheldon: Oh, I wish it were that simple... You see, I don't spend much time here, so I've never chosen a place to sit.
- Penny: Well, choose.
- Sheldon: There are a number of options... I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities, airflow patterns and dispersion of sunlight, to make in informed choice.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't think I can go out with her tonight.
- Sheldon: Then, don't.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Other people would say "Why not?"
- Sheldon: Other people might be interested.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm gonna talk anyway.
- Sheldon: I assumed you would.
- Leonard Hofstadter: She doesn't want to talk.
- Sheldon: Penny's emotional response is originated in the primitive portion of the brain, known as the amygdala. While speech is centered in the much more recently developed neo-cortex. The former can easily overpower the latter, giving scientific credence to the notion of being "rendered speechless."
- Sheldon: Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk.
- Leonard Hofstadter: She's upset, I'm going over there.
- Howard Wolowitz: Remember to sit on your hands a bit, so they're warm.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm her friend. I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.
- Howard Wolowitz: So you're saying, if in the depths of despair, she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny. I'm not excited. I'm nauseous.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid, which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.
- Penny: [about the guy she just broke up with] He's moved on!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wow! That was quick!
- Penny: [crying] That's what I said to the girl with her legs wrapped around his neck.