Gary Unmarried (TV Series)

Pilot (2008)

Jay Mohr: Gary Brooks

Quotes 

• Gary Brooks : [about her butt-tattoo]  Please! Let me see it, please!

  Vanessa Flood : You've already seen it!

  Gary Brooks : Yeah, but - but I've never seen it in the light. I'll show it a great deal of respect. I promise.

• Vanessa Flood : I don't know. I spend one night with you, and you want to take me away for the weekend? I must have been pretty amazing.

  Gary Brooks : Until I check the video tape from last night I won't know for sure.

• Allison Brooks : [had the kids over his weekend]  I kept them because we were doing a two-hour juice cleanse and I knew you wouldn't honor it.

  Gary Brooks : Probably not. No, when my kids are starving, I - I tend to *feed* them... Sorry if that makes me the *fun* parent.

• Gary Brooks : Hey kids, throw away your books, get rid of your toothbrushes - your with Daddy now.

• Allison Brooks : [Gary asks why she must quote psycho-babble to the kids]  Because, children of divorce are more likely to struggle in their own relationships. There's an entire chapter on it in "Rules for a Perfect Divorce". The book Dr. Krandall gave both of us to read. *God* you haven't even opened yours, have you!

  Gary Brooks : I don't have to read it, I have the *audio* version seated on my couch!

• Allison Brooks : Have - have you noticed that Tommy is scared to death of girls?

  Gary Brooks : He should be afraid of girls! They pretend to like you, and then they take all your stuff!

• Allison Brooks : [she and Dr. Krandall are encouraging Tommy to explore "Second Life" to meet girls]  It's an online society, Gary. Okay? It's a safe place for him to meet other teens.

  Gary Brooks : Yeah, and maybe a Congressman!

• Gary Brooks : [to Tommy on the computer]  Hey, look at that, "Second Life" Wow, that's pretty cool. You know we, uh, we didn't have anything like that when I was a kid. We had, uh, - outside.