The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Maternal Capacitance (2009)

Christine Baranski: Dr. Beverly Hofstadter

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I had no idea your siblings were so much more successful than you.

  Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, you're like the Jar-Jar Binks of the Hofstadter family.

  Howard Wolowitz : [Imitating Jar-jar]  Oh, meesa think yousa lookin' so-so sad.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You know, rather than mock me, my friends might realize that this is difficult and try to help me through it.

  Raj Koothrappali : Nope, I think mocking you is more fun.

  Howard Wolowitz : [imitating JarJar Binks]  Next time, don't yousa bring momma to work, Okee-day?

  [Raj and Howard laugh] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Leonard's mother comes back]  That was fast.

  Beverly : Oh, the middle stall was occupied, I'll have to try again later.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's totally understandable. In bladder voiding as in real estate, it's location, location, location.

  Beverly : So where were we?

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to his mother]  Howard lives with his mother, and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go!

  Beverly : Well, that's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché.

  Howard Wolowitz : It's just temporary, I pay rent.

  Leonard Hofstadter : He lives in the same room where his bassinet was.

  Beverly : You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

  Howard Wolowitz : Say what?

  [Raj whispers in Howard's ear] 

  Howard Wolowitz : That's basically what I just said!

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to Raj]  You brought your husband to work, you know the rules.

  [imitating JarJar Binks] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Meesa thinkin' yousa lookin' pretty sad now too, betcha betcha.

• Penny : You know, I've always been curious, what was Leonard like when he was little?

  Beverly : Oh, I think you mean young. He's always been little.

• Sheldon Cooper : I feel very comfortable around you.

  Beverly : I feel very comfortable around you, too.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's surprising because I generally don't feel comfortable around - well, anyone.

  Beverly : Nor I.

  Sheldon Cooper : What are the odds that two individuals as unique as ourselves would be connected by someone as comparatively workaday as your son?

  Beverly : Is that a rhetorical point, or would you like to do the math?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'd like to do the math.

  Beverly : I'd like that, too.

• Sheldon Cooper : So what do you think?

  Beverly : I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate.

  Sheldon Cooper : Normally, I'd feel the same way, but based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together.

  Beverly : True. I've had a similar observation. Certainly something I could never do with my husband.

  Sheldon Cooper : I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins. It's quite satisfying.

  Beverly : I see what you're doing. You're appealing to the neuro-scientific researcher in me.

  Sheldon Cooper : You see right through me, don't you?

  Beverly : Only when you're in a cat scanner.

  [both laugh, Beverly snorts] 

  Beverly : [later] 

  [Sheldon and Beverly are dual singing "Any Way You Want It" on Rock Band 2] 

• Beverly : [to Sheldon]  Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Here's your tea, Mother.

  Beverly : Oolong?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Loose, not bagged?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Steeped, three minutes?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Two percent milk?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Warmed separately?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : One teaspoon of sugar?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Raw sugar?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : [Beverly sips the tea]  It's cold.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'll start again.

  Sheldon Cooper : [to Beverly]  I have the same problem with him.

• Penny : [Beverly is staring at the elevator]  It's out of order.

  Beverly : Yes, I can read the sign; I'm just pondering the implications.

  Penny : I think it implies that the elevator doesn't work.

• [last lines] 

  Penny : [in tears]  I mean, my mom could have just said, "Bob, get over it; she's a girl. Move on!" But she didn't, not one word.

  Beverly : Interesting. Would you be willing to fly to New Jersey and discuss your relationship with your parents during a brain scan?

  Penny : Would it help?

  Beverly : Well, it would help me.

• Sheldon Cooper : Can I make you a cup of tea?

  Beverly : I doubt it! But if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.

• Beverly : If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.

• Beverly : Leonard's younger brother, Michael, is a tenured law professor at Harvard, and his sister just successfully grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon.

  Howard Wolowitz : So, she's close to curing diabetes?

  Beverly : Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?

  Howard Wolowitz : Wow, you must be very proud.

  Beverly : Why? They're not my accomplishments.

• Sheldon Cooper : I have the same problem with him. My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an over-developed sex drive.

  Beverly : Oh, I don't know where he would've gotten that. Aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, his father and I only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction.

  Sheldon Cooper : That seems a fairly efficient arrangement.

• Beverly : Your Uncle Floyd died.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Oh my God! What happened?

  Beverly : His heart stopped beating.

• Beverly : I have to urinate.