The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Codpiece Topology (2008)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Howard Wolowitz : Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy. They're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinkos and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says "howdy".

  Sheldon Cooper : Bosoms would not have said "howdy" in the Fifteenth Century. If anything, they would have said "Huzzah!"

  Howard Wolowitz : I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon. I just want to be part of the conversation.

• Sheldon Cooper : If Leonard is really my friend, why doesn't he have to support me in my hatred of Leslie Winkle?

  Penny : Because love trumps hate.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, now you're just making stuff up!

• Sheldon Cooper : If you're having trouble deciding where to sit, may I suggest "One Potato, Two Potato." Or as I call it, the Leslie Winkle experimental methodology.

• Sheldon Cooper : Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you.

• Sheldon Cooper : You know how I can tell we're not in the Matrix?

  Leonard Hofstadter : How?

  Sheldon Cooper : If we were, the food would be better.

• Sheldon Cooper : Look on the bright side.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What bright side?

  Sheldon Cooper : Only nine more months until ComicCon.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [smiling]  Oh, yeah.

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard is upstairs right now with my arch-enemy.

  Penny : Your arch-enemy?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...

  Penny : Okay, I get it, I get it!

  Sheldon Cooper : You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should probably do a better job of screening those people out.

• Leslie Winkle : Hello, dummy.

  Sheldon Cooper : Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person.

  Leslie Winkle : Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, I am not going back to the renaissance fair.

  Howard Wolowitz : Come on, Sheldon, there are so few places I can wear my jester costume.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't care. There are far too many historical anomalies for my comfort.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Oh, okay, how about this. You can go dressed as a Star Trek science officer exploring a planet very similar to Earth in the fifteen hundreds.

  Sheldon Cooper : You mean like Spock?

  Rajesh Koothrappali : [shrugs]  Sure.

  Sheldon Cooper : Fascinating.

• Penny : Why don't you go to a movie?

  Sheldon Cooper : Alone?

  Penny : Yeah.

  Sheldon Cooper : What if I choke on my popcorn? Who will administer the Heimlich manuver?

  Penny : So, don't buy popcorn.

  Sheldon Cooper : No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

• Leonard Hofstadter : I'm glad Penny's dating. Now I can really let loose.

  Howard Wolowitz : You were holding back?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Out of courtesy, yes.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : What about the ten years before Penny.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, I've date plenty of women.

  Howard Wolowitz : Like who?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, there's Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle...

  [pause] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".

• Rajesh Koothrappali : I think she's smoking hot.

  Howard Wolowitz : I'd hit that!

  Sheldon Cooper : You'd hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension.

  [Wolowitz looks at him for clarification] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Mud.

• Sheldon Cooper : Oh, Mario. How I wish I could control everyone the way I can with you?

  [Presses buttons frantically] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Hop, you little plumber! Hop, hop, hop!

• Sheldon : Leslie Winkle. Of all the overrated physicists in all the labs in the world, why does it have to be Leslie Winkle?

• Howard Wolowitz : What's so unusual about me having a date?

  Sheldon Cooper : Statistically speaking...

  Leonard Hofstadter : All right, all right. Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if you would, make yourself scarce.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurely measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

  Leonard Hofstadter : You know what I mean. Could you just give us a little privacy?

  Sheldon Cooper : You want me to leave the apartment?.. You mean, just go someplace else and be... someplace else?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Sheldon Cooper : Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I know, and if science ever discovers a second member of your species and you two would like some privacy, I'd be more than happy to get out of your way.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, all right then.

• Penny : Sheldon, you are a smart guy...

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm "smart"? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as "smart".

• Sheldon Cooper : When his uncles sit around the dinner table, they look like a half carton of eggs.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, my uncles are bald, but my Aunt Edna is one of the hairiest women you'll ever meet. Sweet lady. Always tickles when she hugs me.

• Leslie Winkle : Loop quantum gravity clearly offers more testable predictions than string theory.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm listening. Amuse me.

  Leslie Winkle : Okay. Well, for one thing, we expect quantized space-time to manifest itself in minute differences in the speed of light for different colors.

  Sheldon Cooper : Balderdash. Matter clearly consists of tiny strings.

  Leslie Winkle : [to Leonard]  Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?

• Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon, dressed up as Spock, scans the renaissance fair using a tricorder]  Captain, I'm getting an unusual reading.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, that's great. You guys want corn dogs?

  Sheldon Cooper : That's a temporal anomaly. Corn dogs didn't come into existence until the first half of the 20th century.

• Sheldon Cooper : Oh please, the only way she could make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.

• Sheldon Cooper : My God, they can't expect to put Ye Olde in front of anything they want and get away with it.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Referring to their Renaissance Fair costumes]  I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You went out and bought linen?

  Sheldon Cooper : Don't be silly. I borrowed one of your pillowcases.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Borrowed?

• Leonard Hofstadter : [wants Sheldon to leave because he has a date]  Nevertheless I have one now, and I'd appreciate it if you'd, you know, make yourself scarce.

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately be measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

• Leonard Hofstadter : What's so unusual about me having a date?

  Sheldon : Well, statistically speaking...

  Leonard Hofstadter : All right, all right! Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if, you know, made yourself scarce.

  Sheldon : Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an i.q. which can't be measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

• Penny : I still don't understand why you don't go to dinner or something.

  Sheldon Cooper : All right, let's say I go to dinner alone, and during the meal, I have to use the restroom. How do I know someone's not touching my food?

  Penny : Good night, Sheldon.

• Sheldon Cooper : Are you sure things can't work out with you and Leonard?

  Penny : Excuse me?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm just wondering if you really gave it the old college try. Or in your case, the old community college try.

• Penny : Why don't you see a movie or something?

  Sheldon : Alone?

  Penny : Yeah, why not?

  Sheldon : What if I choke on my popcorn, who will administer the Heimlich maneuver?

  Penny : Well, then don't order popcorn.

  Sheldon : No popcorn at the movies? Listen to yourself.