The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Bad Fish Paradigm (2008)
Kunal Nayyar: Raj Koothrappali
Photos
Quotes
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[Sheldon and Rajesh are watching television. Alka Yagnik's voice can be heard singing]
Sheldon Cooper : Is that woman Aishwarya Rai?
Rajesh Koothrapali : Yes, isn't she an amazing actress?
Sheldon Cooper : Actually, I'd say she's a poor man's Madhuri Dixit.
Rajesh Koothrapali : [angered, Rajesh turns his head toward Sheldon] How *dare* you! Aishwarya Rai is a goddess! By comparison, Madhuri Dixit is a l-leperous prostitute!
Sheldon Cooper : [shocked] Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Obviously, you're not that familiar with Indian cinema.
Rajesh Koothrapali : [angrily turns his head toward Sheldon a second time]
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[Sheldon moves in with Koothrapali]
Sheldon Cooper : This is a very old building.
Rajesh Koothrapali : Sixty years. Used to be a watch factory.
Sheldon Cooper : Don't you worry about the residual radium from the luminous dials?
Rajesh Koothrapali : Not until now!
Sheldon Cooper : I can't believe I didn't bring my Geiger counter. I had it on my bed, and I didn't pack it.
Rajesh Koothrapali : Well, if you're not comfortable staying here, Sheldon...
Sheldon Cooper : I'm kidding! I packed it.
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[Sheldon is looking for a place to stay]
Rajesh Koothrapali : You can't stay with me - I have a teeny, tiny apartment.
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, but isn't hosting guests an aspect of Manushya-Yajna, one of the five central religious duties or sacrifices of the Hindu house-holder?
Rajesh Koothrapali : I hate trains!
Sheldon Cooper : Don't be silly - you love trains.
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Howard Wolowitz : [Hears a knock on his door] Who is it?
Rajesh Koothrapali : [High-pitched voice] Strippergram!
[Howard opens door; it's actually Rajesh with Sheldon]
Rajesh Koothrapali : Tag, you're it.
[Runs off]
Howard Wolowitz : Couldn't you've just wrapped him up in a paper bag and set fire to him?
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Rajesh Koothrapali : We just came from the exhibit of preserved cadavers.
Howard Wolowitz : And some of those skinless women were hot!
Sheldon Cooper : If you'll excuse me, I have to pack.
Howard Wolowitz : That's a bit of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.
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Leonard Hofstadter : We went to dinner, we talked, we laughed, we kissed... Where could I have possibly gone wrong?
Howard Wolowitz : Think back, Leonard. The littlest things can set women off. Like "Hey, the waitress is hot, I bet we could get her to come home with us." Or "How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I'm getting into."
Leonard Hofstadter : I didn't say anything like that.
Howard Wolowitz : Good, 'cause they don't work.
Rajesh Koothrapali : They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate. Sadly, that's my home run swing.
Leonard Hofstadter : Look, everything went fine.
[unhides mini sheets]
Leonard Hofstadter : I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters. That woman across the hall is into me.
Howard Wolowitz : Let's go to the tape.
[shows the hidden camera record]
Howard Wolowitz : Look at her reaction to the good night kiss. No change in respiration, pupils un-dilated, no flushing of the chest.
Rajesh Koothrapali : Nice close-up, by the way.
Sheldon Cooper : Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access. Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
Leonard Hofstadter : That's not a bad sign.
Sheldon Cooper : Please... You might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
Rajesh Koothrapali : And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm not there because I'm taking things slow; by the way, compared to you guys, approaches warp speed.
[Leaving the room]
Leonard Hofstadter : And take down that camera!
Rajesh Koothrapali : He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard Wolowitz : Give him time.
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Howard Wolowitz : [Wolowitz and Koothrapali have been watching Leonard and Penny on a video camera] You should thank us. When future generations try to determine why your date with Penny crashed and burned, this right here is the black box.
Leonard Hofstadter : What are you talking about? The date went fine!
Rajesh Koothrapali : Dude, she said she wants to slow things down.
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, so she said she wants to slow things down. It's like saying, "I'm really enjoying this meal! I'm going to slow down and savor it."
Howard Wolowitz : No - it's like: "This fish tastes bad, so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
Rajesh Koothrapali : You being the fish.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm not the fish!