- Tucker Carlson: Do you seriously think just because you saw him say it, that means he did? That's what passed for evidence these days?
- Joe Biden: So whose playing Trump?
- Nancy Pelosi: Well Joe, we couldn't find anyone quite as dangerously unhinged and erratic as the president so I settled on this rabid badger.
- Charlie Rose: With all the turmoil in the world this year between the Covid-19 outbreak and Black Lives Matter protests, does anyone even care or remember the things we were obsessed about in 2019 like which white person may or may not have groped another white person?
- Ivanka Trump: I recognize my dad's racism may not be to everyone's taste but the results speak for themselves.
- Donald Trump: Let's see Biden top Malcolm X.
- Larry King: Biden's got the real Tom Hanks, all the biggies like me, thirty years ago.
- Donald Trump: Where does Biden get off? Biden was Vice President. That doesn't make him qualified to be President. I see how it all works. All the VP does is stand there nodding nervously while the President watches TV and tweets. It's a morons job. Vice Presidents are nothing but spinless homophobic religious nuts who weep uncontrollably every time I show them a picture of my ex-wife's boobs. Anyway Mike...
- Mike Pence: Yes Sir.
- Donald Trump: You're my last shot Billy. Billy? Can I come on the bus?
- Billy Bush: I really can't do that sir.
- Donald Trump: Why not, look at all the press we got. Everyone was talking about us.
- Billy Bush: I don't think my sense of shame would allow it.
- Donald Trump: Let me talk to this Shame guy. Who is he? Does he want a Medal of Freedom?
- Billy Bush: Look shame in not a guy, shame is what we all feel when we have done something that we aren't proud of.
- Donald Trump: Oooh, like when I had Eric.