The IT Crowd (TV Series)

The Speech (2008)

Chris O'Dowd: Roy Trenneman

Quotes 

• Jen : [Moss has a small plastic box with a flashing light]  What is it?

  Moss : This, Jen, is the Internet.

  Jen : What?

  Moss : That's right.

  Jen : This is the Internet? The whole Internet?

  Moss : Yep. I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech.

  Jen : It's so small.

  Moss : That's one of the surprising things about it.

  Jen : Hang on, it doesn't have any wires or anything.

  Moss : It's wireless.

  Jen : Oh, yes, everything's wireless nowadays, isn't it... yeah. So, I can really use it in my speech? What if someone needs it?

  Moss : Oh, no, no, people will still be able to go online and everything. It will still work.

  Jen : Oh, good, good...

  Moss : I tell you, you present this to the shareholders and you will get quite the response.

  Jen : Can I touch it? It's so light!

  Moss : Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything.

  Jen : No, of course it doesn't.

  [laughs nervously] 

  Roy : Hey! What is Jen doing with the Internet?

  Jen : Moss said I could use it for my speech.

  Roy : Are you insane? What if she drops it?

  Jen : I won't drop it, I'll look after it.

  Roy : No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this needs to go straight back to Big Ben.

  Jen : Big Ben?

  Moss : Yep. It goes on top of Big Ben. That's where you get the best reception.

• Moss : Roy, I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not one hour ago. I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month and they were so impressed that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.

  Jen : Wait a minute. The "Elders of the Internet"? The Elders of the Internet know who I am? You've got to let me have it!

  Roy : No, Jen, I'm sorry. It's just too risky.

  Jen : Oh, please, Roy!

  Roy : Well... Moss, has it been completely demagnetised?

  Moss : By Stephen Hawking himself. Who sends his congratulations, by the way.

  Roy : Well, if it's okay with The Hawk...

• Jen : Roy, let's start with you. When you're upstairs fiddling about with computers, would it hurt to smile? Don't you realise what difference that would make? Come on, let's see a smile now.

  [Roy attempts a smile] 

  Jen : No, more warmth. Warmer. No, you're just showing more teeth. That's not warmth. I would say that's more of a threatening look actually. I'll tell you what, keep at it. That's your homework. Now, Moss.

  Moss : So, what's your speech going to be about?

  Jen : What speech?

  Moss : Every employee of the month has to give a speech on their area of expertise.

  Roy : Which for you is computers.

  Jen : Where do I have...

  Moss : At the monthly shareholders meeting.

  Jen : When do I...

  Moss : Friday.

  Jen : What time...

  Moss : Morning.

  Roy : [Roy grins and points to his mouth]  How's that?