The Hangover Part II (2011)
Bradley Cooper: Phil
Photos
Quotes
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Phil : You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us!
Stu Price : Oh, this will be good!
Phil : Stu, think about it! You ended up ditching Melissa... two years later, you met your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would've married a cunt!
[Old couple looks over and gives Phil dirty looks]
Phil : Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin' Ihop!
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Phil : Do you ever do anything that doesn't end in a stand-off, Chow?
Mr. Chow : I a international criminal. It always ends like this. I met my wife at one of these things.
Stu Price : You have a wife?
Mr. Chow : Yeah, we married fifteen years. Whatsa matter, Mr. Chow not good-looking enough for woman?
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Kimmy : This one was following me like little puppy dog all around, all night, saying that he fall in love with me, asked to marry me.
Alan : Classic Stu.
Kimmy : I dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex...
Phil : You're not married yet it's no big deal.
Stu Price : It's cheating. No offense to you, you're a lovely woman, it's a violation of my moral code.
Kimmy : What code is that? Stu you loved it, you were crying saying how special it was. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
Stu Price : Load?
Alan : What load?
Kimmy : Oh you know, my sperm.
Stu Price : That is wrong, you're talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?
Kimmy : My balls. You're in Bangkok, there's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt!
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Phil : So much for holy people. Bunch of bald assholes.
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Alan : [to Teddy] Sit down i got this. Sit down boy. That was a great speech sir. I like the comparisons between uh Stu and Rice. I've also prepared a few words. Hew everybody here are some fun facts. The population in Thailand is 63 million people. It is twice the size of Wyoming. It's chief exports are textiles, footwear, and rice. Each year approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. The climate in Thailand is...
Doug : Alan why don't you skip to the last card there buddy
Alan : Ok, sorry.
[Flips through about 5 or 6 cards]
Alan : None of you know Stu like I do. Not you, not you, not you, not you, not nobody knows Stu like i do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact more important than blood. What i can tell you is this, this is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple years ago...
Phil : All right time's up. You can sit down now bud. You can sit down.
Alan : It was good. I did good though.
Phil : Oh God you killed it.
Alan : OK thanks Phil.
Alan : Sit down, yeah
[applause]
Alan : [to Teddy] In your face.
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Grand Wizard : Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation.
Phil : Did you understand a word he just said?
Stu Price : Yeah I understood about two thirds. He said something about the Garden of Meditation.
Alan : No he said he's farting because of his medication.
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Phil : I refuse to eat fuckin' cantaloupe at a bachelor party.
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Tracy : Phill.
Phil : Tracy. I'm sorry.
Tracy : Where the hell are you?
Phil : /huh/ It happened again.
Tracy : Don't say that. Please.
Phil : No, this time we're really fucked up.
Tracy : Seriously, what's wrong with you three?
Phil : So much Trace, I don't even know where to begin."
Tracy : Oh God. How bad? Like no wedding bad?
Phil : Yeah.
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Tattoo Joe : [indicates customer] This kid's fucking nine years old, and he's got balls twice your size. Show him your balls, Mal.
[kid reaches downwards]
Phil : No, no, no, w- that's okay.
