The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Gothowitz Deviation (2009)

Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

  Sheldon Cooper : You can catch even more flies with manure; what's your point?

• Leonard Hofstadter : OK. I know what you're doing.

  Sheldon Cooper : Really?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour.

  Sheldon Cooper : Very good. Chocolate?

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.

• Leonard Hofstadter : No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, it turns out I can.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you shouldn't.

  Sheldon Cooper : There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, this has to stop now.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the "bazinga" was implied. I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, you're not sanding Penny.

  Sheldon Cooper : Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes, you're forbidden.

  Sheldon Cooper : [Squirts him]  Bad Leonard.

• Leonard Hofstadter : [Howard and Raj leave to go to a goth nightclub]  They're gonna get beaten up at that club.

  Penny : They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.

• Penny : You know what? I give up. He's impossible.

  Sheldon Cooper : I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up. He's improbable."

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.

  Sheldon Cooper : What am I supposed to do? Eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible.

• Sheldon Cooper : Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sorry, I haven't given her your schedule yet.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's an iCal download. She can put it right in her phone. And we agreed you'd have conjugal visits in her apartment.

  Leonard Hofstadter : We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.

  Sheldon Cooper : I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, her bed kind of broke.

  Sheldon Cooper : That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal-sized human wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.

  Penny : A homunculus?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Perfectly formed miniature human being.

  Penny : Oh, you're my little homunculus.

• Leonard Hofstadter : [Talking about how Sheldon deals with Penny]  All I'm saying is that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

  Sheldon Cooper : You can catch even more flies with manure. What's your point?

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, it turns out I can.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you shouldn't.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, ugh. There's just no pleasing you, is there? You weren't happy with my approach with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques building on the works of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. Next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool balancing a beach ball on her nose.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, this has to stop now.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the "buzzinga" was implied. I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges, if you will.

• Sheldon Cooper : Would you like a chocolate?

  Penny : Um, yeah, sure. Thanks.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What was that?

  Sheldon Cooper : You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of "nice".

  Leonard Hofstadter : It does. But in my experience, you don't.

  Sheldon Cooper : There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, now, that's you. Obnoxious and insufferable.

• Penny : Kim, the night manager, went on maternity leave, and her husband's name is Sandy. So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim.

  [chortling] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Wow.

  Penny : I know. What are the odds? Oh.

  Sheldon Cooper : Easily calculable. We begin by identifying the set of couples with unisex names. We eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work: the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next, we look at the...

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon. It's an amazing coincidence. Can we leave it at that?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry. Oh, Penny, it's as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.

  Penny : Ooh, Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you.

• Sheldon Cooper : Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socio-economic activity that requires a great deal of analysis and planning... Buzzinga. You know, using positive reinforcement techniques I could train that behavior out of her in a week.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No.

  Sheldon Cooper : If you let me use negative reinforcement I can get it done before we go to bed.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You're not squirting her in the face with water.

  Sheldon Cooper : No, of course not. We're talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Forget it.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you're not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'm not. Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.