The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Jiminy Conjecture (2009)

Lewis Black: Professor Crawley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Crawley : Of course I can. I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's going to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard. And we're not talking Oxnard at the beach. No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.

• Professor Crawley : It's a field cricket.

  Howard Wolowitz : Yes!

  Sheldon : No, wait. Dr. Crawley, are you sure?

  Professor Crawley : Young man, I've been studying insects since I was eight years old. You know what they used to call me in school? "Creepy Crawley"!

  Sheldon : Cruel as that may be, that is not in itself a credential.

  Professor Crawley : Let me show you something. You see that?

  [showing them a beetle in a tank] 

  Professor Crawley : That's a Crawley's Dung Beetle. I discovered it after spending six months slogging through the Bornean rain forests, while my wife was back home shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist who lives on a sailboat and likes to wear boot-cut jeans. So when I tell you that that's a common field cricket, you can take that to the damn bank, 'cause god knows I can't! That tramp took me for everything!

  Sheldon : [awkward silence]  Well, apparently I was wrong.

• Professor Crawley : I haven't even packed yet, and you're already measuring my lab for one of your godless laser machines.

  Howard Wolowitz : No, you don't understand. We just want to ask you a question.

  Professor Crawley : Let me ask you one first. What's a world renowned entomologist with a doctorate and 20 years of experience to do with his life when the university cuts off the funding for his lab, huh?

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Ask rhetorical questions that make people uncomfortable?

• Professor Crawley : No, don't bother knocking! Come right in! Why show courtesy to the world's leading expert on the dung beetle?

• Professor Crawley : Toby? What a stupid name for a cricket!

  Sheldon : [to Howard]  Told you!

• Professor Crawley : What's your deal? Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?

  Rajesh Koothrappali : I'm from New Delhi.