- Penny: [to Leonard] Hi, honey.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, we're honey now, are we?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.
- Penny: You're boring people, sweetie.
- Sheldon Cooper: Although sometimes she omits the veil entirely.
- Penny: Hey, wanna get a little crazy?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What are you thinking?
- Penny: Let's slide over to Sheldon's spot and make out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You are a dirty girl!
- [Knock at the door]
- Penny: Oh God, how did he know?
- Raj Koothrappali: You want me to work with you.
- Sheldon Cooper: For me. You're going to have to listen more carefully when you're on the job.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim buck naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you.
- Sheldon Cooper: *For* me.
- Sheldon Cooper: I took another look at the board, and I realized you were right.
- Raj Koothrappali: So you were wrong.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not saying that.
- Raj Koothrappali: That's the only logical inference.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm still not saying it.
- Howard Wolowitz: [about going with Penny on Thanksgiving] I'd love to, but on Thanksgiving my family comes to my mother's for her famous tur-briska-fil.
- Penny: Tur-briska-fil?
- Howard Wolowitz: Turkey stuffed with brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It's not as good as it sounds.
- Raj Koothrappali: I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you.
- Sheldon Cooper: *For* me.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yes, *for* you. I do however have a few conditions. First, at all times I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published materials. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you.
- Sheldon Cooper: I reject them all.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?
- Raj Koothrappali: We believe cows are gods.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be *like* god.
- Raj Koothrappali: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out - I swear to cow!
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, usually, on Sundays, I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, but he's still working with Sheldon, so I thought I'd come over here and make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. It's the perfect meal for apres l'amour.
- Penny: Oh, kill me.
- Howard Wolowitz: By the way, I couldn't help overhearing your big finish. Bravo, Leonard.
- Penny: See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn't have had to hear that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Forgive me. You know I am not adept at reading facial cues, but I am going to take a stab here. You are either sad or nauseated.
- Raj Koothrappali: I'm sad.
- Sheldon Cooper: I was going to say sad! I don't why I hedged.
- Howard Wolowitz: So, what are we watching? Sex and the City? Yikes!
- Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
- Howard Wolowitz: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all of our periods will synchronize.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do you mean he's getting deported?
- Sheldon Cooper: I believe it means the U.S. government is going to expel him from the country. He could return to India, immigrate to another country willing to accept him or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I'd choose pirate.
- Sheldon Cooper: And you continued to take the university's money under false pretenses? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist... but practically mandatory for a pirate.
- Sheldon Cooper: Bazinga. You've fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I'm your boss now, you may want to laugh at that.
- Raj Koothrappali: If we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt.
- Sheldon Cooper: English is your native language.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay, you got me there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That was fun. Thank you.
- Penny: Leonard, honey, you don't say thank you every time we have sex.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Tomorrow, you're gonna get a card in the mail. Just throw it away.