Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 3 - Lair of the Leviathan (2009 Video Game)

Dominic Armato: Guybrush Threepwood

Quotes 

• Guybrush Threepwood : How's the body treating you?

  Murray : Remarkably well! It's only a matter of time before I gain control of my limbs.

  [evil laugh] 

  Guybrush Threepwood : Oh boy, then we're in for it.

  Murray : I shall rewrite your definition of misery!

  Guybrush Threepwood : You're literate now too?

  Murray : Not completely.

• Guybrush Threepwood : Aren't you a bit like the tyrants you claim to hate?

  Bugeye : I don't appreciate your inference, sweet roll. We do everything democratically down here. Noogie, Moose and Santino carry equal weight in every decision.

  Guybrush Threepwood : How about your decision to be a jerk?

  Bugeye : No, that one's all me.

• Murray : [From a chest]  Woe upon thee, foolish mortal! You have unleashed certain doom upon all your feeble fleshy kind, for the wrath of Murray shall be...

  [Guybrush quickly closes the chest] 

  Murray : Very funny...

  Guybrush Threepwood : [Guybrush reopens the chest]  Hi Murray!

  Murray : Threepwood! I suppose I should have expected this!

  Guybrush Threepwood : Long time no see! How did you get trapped in here?

  Murray : I'm not trapped!

  Guybrush Threepwood : Okay, what were you doing before you chose to hang out in a treasure chest inside of a manatee?

  Murray : Well, my legions of undead marines had brought an armada of Spanish clippers to their knees when a mighty tempest tossed our ship!

  Guybrush Threepwood : I don't remember hearing about any battle with the Spanish armada.

  Murray : Ha! As if we would allow a soul to live to tell the tale!

• Bugeye : The last thing this manatee needs is his sense of direction restored. We don't need to be getting to any sacred mating grounds.

  Guybrush Threepwood : Seriously. I've never seen manatees mate before, but I sure don't want to be inside one when I do.

• Guybrush Threepwood : [to Murray inside his coat]  Everything okay in there?

  Murray : You've gotta get rid of this grub, I almost swallowed it!

  Guybrush Threepwood : But you can't taste anything.

  Murray : It's still disgusting!

• Guybrush Threepwood : [Upon finding a book]  "Modern Torture Made Easy". Yeah, I really hate to break a sweat while breaking the wills of my enemies.

  [Looks inside] 

  Guybrush Threepwood : This book is full of gut-wrenching torture techniques. Really, there's a device called the "gut-wrencher".

• Guybrush Threepwood : Mutineers of the crew of Coronado da Cava, I would like to establish, for the record, that the four of you were just man-handled by a woman. So in essence, you've been woman-handled. Which, I imagine, was not near as pleasant as it sounds.

• Guybrush Threepwood : You don't have some cockamamie plan for taking care of the Leviathan?

  Coronado De Cava : Nothing. I originally spent three months fabricating a giant manatee suitor to be piloted by a crew of fifteen men, all well learned in the ways of bestial romance, but sadly, they were lost during a trial run. Mashed like peas.

  Guybrush Threepwood : Yeesh!

• Murray : Wait until we chew through your ropes of oppression and topple your puppet regime!

  Guybrush Threepwood : Wow, Murray, you've gone political.

  Murray : I just learned all those words.

• Guybrush Threepwood : [Looking at a backscratcher in the form of a chicken foot]  I hope this is what I think it is and not what I hope it isn't.

• Guybrush Threepwood : [while controlling the body of the Voodoo Lady]  Marquis, you will bring me the book of the manatee language, or I'll give you an education on voodoo from the business end of a curse!

• Guybrush Threepwood : [after De Cava and his crew turn on Guybrush]  Where's Noogie?

  Bugeye : Noogie had a hard time re-adjusting to crew-life. He wasn't ready to give up on democracy.

  Guybrush Threepwood : So he founded his own political party and sailed away peacefully?

  Bugeye : Sure. He... went to a quiet farm upstate.

• Guybrush Threepwood : You actually like these guys?

  Murray : "Like"? I like no one. But I *love* the Brotherhood! What I have here is a group of men I can mold in my own image. Their fates are tied to mine - and my fate leads to the highest throne of Hell!

• Guybrush Threepwood : [Inside the giant manatee]  I'm going to find a way out of here. Preferably through the front door. Not the... ahem... service entrance.

• Reginald Van Winslow : I'll keep an eye on Miss LeFlay. If she stirs, I'll give her the old scurby buttons!

  Guybrush Threepwood : I don't wanna know what that is.

• Morgan LeFlay : Here's the plan: you charge Johnny Cirrhosis over there, and I'll jump the leader and eviscerate his vitals. The square playing the bongos shouldn't be a problem for either of us. Whoever gets to him first scores the kill. Personally, I'll be going for his throat, he looks like a biter.

  Guybrush Threepwood : I don't think that's a good idea.

  Morgan LeFlay : You're right! I'll keep my distance and shoot for an artery.

• Guybrush Threepwood : I've been doing some thinking, and I'd like to join the Democratically United Brotherhood of the Manatee Interior.

  Bugeye : Is that so?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Yep! Although I'm applying to the Oligarical Society of the Alpaca Farm as a safety.

• Guybrush Threepwood : Hey Murrah, can I interest you in this torture manual?

  Murray : Haha, I wrote the book on torture! For instance, taunting a man with his greatest desire is a good form of psychological warfare. As is a good Indian rub.

  Guybrush Threepwood : How so?

  Murray : Do you yearn to reap the incredible benefits of membership of the Brotherhood?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Sure, that'd be okay.

  Murray : Well, I'll never let you in! Ever! Does it scorch your insides, Threepwood? Does it fill you with painful sadness? And gas?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Er, something does, but I think I swallowed some bile earlier.

• Morgan LeFlay : [after exiting the giant manatee]  Yuck!

  Guybrush Threepwood : That could've been worse.

  Morgan LeFlay : [Sarcastic]  Really?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Just a quick trip up the blow hole.

  Morgan LeFlay : Manatees don't have blow holes.

  Guybrush Threepwood : What? Then... Oh, yeah, yuck!

• Guybrush Threepwood : [Out of breath]  Horrible... teeth... gnashing... ferocious... leviathan!

  Coronado De Cava : I neglected to mention the guardian of La Esponja.

  Morgan LeFlay : What was it? A giant squid? They've been known to hunt and swallow entire corsairs!

  Guybrush Threepwood : No!

  Morgan LeFlay : [Gasps]  Megalodon? Devil whale?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Worse!

  Morgan LeFlay : What then?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Female... giant... manatee!

  Coronado De Cava : The monster must be tamed, Cheapwhistle.

  Guybrush Threepwood : With what, a rolled up newspaper?

  Coronado De Cava : Taming the female is no easy task. Their fickle minds are the greatest of all riddles! Complex, confounding... beautiful.

  Guybrush Threepwood : Are we still talking about manatees?

• Guybrush Threepwood : Comfy?

  Noogie : You're a betrayer!... But do you think Morgan is still into me?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Oh yeah, definitely. See how you still have all your limbs? That means she cares.