It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System (2009)

Glenn Howerton: Dennis Reynolds

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gladys : What's happening?

  Dennis Reynolds : What's happening, Gladys, is we're at the fair and you're gonna act like my grandma, okay?

  Gladys : My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony.

  Dennis Reynolds : I-I don't give a shit.

• Charlie Kelly : I don't know. I did everything right and I can't get past the letter D, dude.

  Dennis Reynolds : What did you do exactly?

  Charlie Kelly : I broke into her place, I ripped her sink apart, I brought a bag of hair, you know what I mean? And I come across looking like a total jerk!

• Dennis Reynolds : And then naturally, we bang. And this is the best bang of all because it's very emotional for her. You see, she thinks she's broken through my tough exterior and coerced affection from a man who was afraid to love. And then I slink out into the night, never to talk to her again.

• Dennis Reynolds : You have a system where you come in after Mac?

  Frank Reynolds : That's right. I come in after Mac, but he's taking like forever this time. I got my magnum condoms. I got my wad of hundreds. I'm ready to plow.

• Dennis Reynolds : You're gonna wanna nurture that dependence that she's feeling on you now, guys. Have her car towed, or you could slash her tires. Either way, make her depend on you for rides. Or you can use my personal go-to, which is to create a fictional angry neighbor who's threatening her and tell her you'll take care of 'em. Hit up a payphone so that she can't trace the calls back to you, give her a call and say something along the lines of, "I'm watching you, you bitch. You're gonna die tonight!"

  Dee Reynolds : Oh for Christ's sake, you're a complete sociopath!

  Dennis Reynolds : Don't interrupt.