Community (TV Series)
Environmental Science (2009)
Ken Jeong: Ben Chang
Photos
Quotes
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Señor Chang : Let me rest gently on your pecs.
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Señor Chang : Pencils down.
[observes Annie still writing, walks to Annie's desk, clears throat, drags Annie's desk with Annie into the hallway and closes door]
Señor Chang : I want you all to write a one-page essay, in espanol, entitled, "Annie's Mistake."
Pierce Hawthorne : Why doesn't Annie have to write it?
Señor Chang : Okay, two pages, entitled, "The Consequences of Questioning Authority."
Shirley Bennett : This is spanish 101. I know how to say "hello," "tomorrow," and that tables are female. That's the only spanish you taught us.
Señor Chang : Oh, six pages on ignorance.
Britta Perry : Guys, put your hands down. Senor Chang, please continue. We respect your authority.
Señor Chang : Thank you, Britta. 20 pages on ass kissing! Due on Monday.
Annie Edison : [from outside the classroom] This Monday?
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Señor Chang : I pleasured that woman greatly.
Jeff Winger : Yeah. You look like you would have to. I'm not surprised you said that.
Señor Chang : I like you, Winger. Pickled bull testicle?
Jeff Winger : Uh, are you offering or collecting?
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Señor Chang : [knocks] What do you want, Winger? Here to complain about the homework on behalf of the class?
Jeff Winger : Can I ask you a personal question, Señor Chang?
Señor Chang : [laughs] Okay, Freud. Sure. You try to penetrate my psychological armor, and...
Jeff Winger : Did your wife leave you?
Señor Chang : Holy...
[gasps]
Señor Chang : How did you know?
Jeff Winger : Well, when you pick juries, you learn to read the little stuff. Same shirt twice in one week. Teaching us the word "esposa" means "liar." The picture of you with a woman with a post-it note dialogue balloon above her head that says, "enjoy it while it lasts."
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Señor Chang : The difference between 'usted' and 'tu' is a matter of formality. Pepe, usted es viejo. "you are old." Alberto, usted es feo. "you are ugly."
Shirley Bennett : No, you're not, Abed.
Abed Nadir : Thanks.
Señor Chang : Shakira... Shakira... y Tupaco... west side... ustedes estan sucios. "you are dirty."
Troy Barnes : [angrily] Dude!
Señor Chang : Still formal, but plural. Because, while both are dirty, neither are my friends. Okay?
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Señor Chang : Here you go. Look at Pierce's paragraph from unit two.
Jeff Winger : Let's see. "I took a computer class at tiende de manzana..." The apple store. Adorable.
Señor Chang : Keep going, keep going.
Jeff Winger : And the saleswoman had manzanas gigante. Ruined it.
Señor Chang : Can you imagine being married to him?
Jeff Winger : Seven times! Seven different women agreed to marry that guy. It's cra--
[laughing]
Señor Chang : [high-pitched sobbing] I'm so alone. I'm so lonely! I want to die.
Jeff Winger : Come on man, it... Come on, don't do that.
Señor Chang : [catching his breath] I... Just miss her so much.
Jeff Winger : Yeah.
Señor Chang : [sobbing] I'm sorry. This is so stupid.
Jeff Winger : No, no, it's fine. It's just... buddy, you know...
Señor Chang : It's dumb!
Jeff Winger : You know I can see that you're hurting, um, but I have to get to accounting. And it's not like I'm hitting strip clubs with professor Whitman.
Señor Chang : You better not be!
Jeff Winger : What?
Señor Chang : All I ask...
[sniffles]
Señor Chang : is for you to keep filling the void in my soul.
Jeff Winger : Well, I'll have to think of something.