The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Maternal Congruence (2009)
Christine Baranski: Dr. Beverly Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Beverly Hofstadter : [Mrs. Hofstader & Penny are drinking in a bar] I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities.
Penny : As long as you don't feel it running down your pants, you're fine.
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Beverly Hofstadter : Speaking of fathers, Leonard, that reminds me. I'm divorcing yours.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Beverly Hofstadter : Yes. He was cheating on me.
Leonard Hofstadter : No!
Beverly Hofstadter : Yes, with some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress.
[to Penny]
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, no offense, dear.
Penny : [sarcastically] No, it sounded like a compliment.
Leonard Hofstadter : When did this happen?
Beverly Hofstadter : Well, let's see... Sheldon, when did I leave Leonard's father?
Sheldon Cooper : September 22nd.
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, yes, that's right. The weekend after Leonard's dog died.
Leonard Hofstadter : Mitzy's dead?
Sheldon Cooper : She was old and blind, Leonard. What choice did we have?
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Beverly Hofstadter : [after hugging Leonard] I'm getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart.
Penny : That's the Del Taco.
Sheldon Cooper : Why is Leonard softly banging his head against his bedroom door?
Beverly Hofstadter : Speaking of warm feelings, come here!
[Kisses Sheldon square on the lips]
Beverly Hofstadter : No, I'd rather have the busboy.
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Penny : You know, I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter : I don't drink.
Penny : I do. I'll teach you.
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Penny : C'mon, I mean you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly Hofstadter : Well, initially I did feel something akin to grief and perhaps anger. But that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny : Sure, sure.
Beverly Hofstadter : Thankfully my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven't had intercourse with him in eight years.
Penny : Eight years?
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, that's nothing. I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny : Yikes.
[Beverly snickers]
Penny : OK, what's so funny?
Beverly Hofstadter : That's exactly what I say during orgasms. Yikes.
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Penny : Hey, Bev. Guess what?
Beverly Hofstadter : What?
Penny : I'm sleeping with your son.
Beverly Hofstadter : Really? Which one?
Penny : The one from whom I live across the hall... from.
Beverly Hofstadter : Well, that's convenient. How'd his penis turn out?
Penny : Oh, Beverly, I-I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis.
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, fair enough. What can you tell me if anything about that busboy's penis?
Penny : Actually, I've only had the cheesecake.
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Beverly Hofstadter : [to Leonard] Why didn't you tell me you were tapping my homegirl?
Beverly Hofstadter : [to Penny] Did I say that right?
Penny : Yeah. Not bad. Not bad.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Are you guys drunk?
Beverly Hofstadter : I hope so. Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del Taco?
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[last lines]
Beverly Hofstadter : I want you to take very good care of this young woman.
Penny : Ohhh, thank you, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter : You're welcome. She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects; don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard Hofstadter : Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don't communicate with me enough?
Beverly Hofstadter : Yes, dear.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm over it.
Penny : Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la.
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Beverly Hofstadter : Sheldon, I do hope you forgive me for my inappropriate behavior last night.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't blame you. You were intoxicated.
Beverly Hofstadter : Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : I blame Penny.
Penny : I blame Penny too. Bad Penny.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wait a minute. What are you talking about? What inappropriate behavior?
Beverly Hofstadter : I think it's best that you don't know.
Sheldon Cooper : Agreed.
Penny : Agreed.
Leonard Hofstadter : What the hell. Agreed.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Mom, you remember Penny?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, yes, the waitress-slash-actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger finally growing breasts?
Penny : Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas, so I'm gonna say no.
Howard Wolowitz : If it helps, we're all good with your breasts.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter : Classic overcompensation.
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Beverly Hofstadter : I will just pretend that Leonard's not withholding information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.
Sheldon Cooper : Isn't she brilliant, Leonard? How I envy you.
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Beverly Hofstadter : Your "check engine" light is on.
Penny : Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that. So you must be devastated about your divorce.
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh, not at all. But I am a bit distressed to be in a vehicle that's not subjected to regular maintenance.
Penny : Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly Hofstadter : Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
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Penny : You know, Leonard did not wanna tell you we were dating.
Beverly Hofstadter : Really? That means he's either embarrassed by the relationship or he doesn't care enough about his mother to tell her he's in one. Either way, one of us should be insulted.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Mom, you remember Penny.
Beverly Hofstadter : Oh yes, the waitress slash actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his 'little slugger' growing breasts?
Penny : Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas, so I'm going to say no.