- Dwight Schrute: Stop it!
- Jim Halpert: Stop what?
- Dwight Schrute: You're talking about me in Morse code! Well, you know what? Joke's on you. Because I know Morse code. Ha!
- Jim Halpert: Yeah. That's what we are doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you... in front about you.
- [Jim to the camera]
- Jim Halpert: Yup. That's exactly what we did.
- Michael Scott: She won't say "I love you."
- Andy Bernard: How many dates have you been on?
- Michael Scott: Nine dates. I said it on the second date.
- Oscar Martinez: That seems... quick. Even for lesbians.
- Ryan Howard: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
- Ryan Howard: [to camera] Does she leave the room when she makes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex?
- Ryan Howard: [Back in Conference room] Does she...
- Michael Scott: Yeah, she does all that.
- Ryan Howard: Sorry, dude.
- Michael Scott: Jim. Are you clicking a detonator?
- Jim Halpert: It's a pen.
- Dwight Schrute: Michael, come on.
- Michael Scott: Get back to work, Dwight. Please.
- Dwight Schrute: Fine.
- [clears throat]
- Dwight Schrute: Hey. Tap away.
- [Dwight puts noise-cancelling headphones on; Pam and Jim begin to blink rhythmically]
- Michael Scott: Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
- Jim Halpert: You do?
- Michael Scott: Yes, Jim. I do!
- Michael Scott: I need the name of a good private investigator.
- Dwight Schrute: I think I've got one for you.
- [reaches into wallet, pulls out a business card, and hands it to Michael]
- Michael Scott: This is you. How much do you charge?
- Dwight Schrute: $100 a day, plus expenses.
- Michael Scott: I'll give you $50. Money's no object.