- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: There is no reason that thing should stay upright.
- Jay Pritchett: There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.
- Cameron Tucker: Mitchell, there's a stranger in our hot tub.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Who is it?
- Cameron Tucker: You do know what stranger means, don't you?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Oh my God! How long has he been there?
- Cameron Tucker: I saw him exactly one second before you. You know everything I know.
- Jay Pritchett: You don't know how to ride a bike?
- Manny Delgado: I know how to ride *this* bike.
- Jay Pritchett: Stephen Hawking could ride *that* bike.
- Cameron Tucker: Are you lliving in our daughter's princess castle?
- Barry: What? No, don't be ridiculous.
- [Points at heart]
- Barry: I'm living in here.
- [Points at castle]
- Barry: I'm sleeping in there.
- Luke Dunphy: Okay. See, all these bad thoughts are holding you back. So how do we get rid of these bad thoughts?
- [Pulls out water gun]
- Luke Dunphy: We shoot 'em out!
- Phil Dunphy: Bring it, Laura. You wanna test me? I've been tested my entire life. They could never find anything.
- Claire Dunphy: What is the one thing a speeder can't outrun?
- Luke Dunphy: Bullets! A laser! Ooh, I know, a falcon! Dad, jump in.
- Phil Dunphy: Not a good time, buddy.
- Luke Dunphy: A laser falcon!
- Phil Dunphy: That's awesome.
- Jay Pritchett: [to Gloria, who is worried about learning to ride a bike] Trust me, I'm not gonna hurt you. You're a work of art. If you get scratched, the value goes down. I'm making a joke to lighten the mood.