The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification (2010)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
Leonard Hofstadter : At the hands of your roommate?
Sheldon Cooper : An accident.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, that's how I'm gonna make it look.
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm going to miss so much. A unified field theory, cold fusion, the dogapus.
Leonard Hofstadter : What's a dogapus?
Sheldon Cooper : A hybrid dog and octopus. Man's underwater best friend.
Leonard Hofstadter : There's somebody working on that?
Sheldon Cooper : I was going to! I planned on giving it to myself on my three-hundredth birthday.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wait a minute, you *hate* dogs.
Sheldon Cooper : A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.
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[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : Whatcha doing there? Working on a new plan to catch the Road Runner?
Sheldon Cooper : The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : And this is a schematic for a bird-trapping device that will ultimately backfire and cause me physical injury?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
[Sheldon gives a gasping derisive laugh]
Sheldon Cooper : What I'm doing here is trying to determine when I'm going to die.
Leonard Hofstadter : A lot of people are working on that research.
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Leonard Hofstadter : How can you walk around with no money?
Penny : I'm cute, I get by.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, this is ridiculous.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm behind you. Please look at me when you're talking to me.
Leonard Hofstadter : I am looking at you.
Sheldon Cooper : No, you're not. Pay *no* attention to that man in the bed.
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[Sheldon joins the others for dinner as his new "Shel-bot."]
Sheldon Cooper : Greetings, friends.
Leonard Hofstadter : Greetings, whatever-the-hell you are.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon's virtual presence device has no arms] Leonard, my door.
Leonard Hofstadter : What about it?
Sheldon Cooper : Be a lamb and open it for me.
Leonard Hofstadter : [feigning ignorance] Why? What's the problem?
Sheldon Cooper : You think you have me stymied, don't you?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, I think a doorknob has you stymied.
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Howard Wolowitz : What do we owe you?
Leonard Hofstadter : It came to $28.17 Let's say six bucks apiece.
Howard Wolowitz : [as Howard and Raj hand money over to Leonard] There you go.
Leonard Hofstadter : Thank you.
[Leonard looks at Penny who has a stunned look on her face]
Penny : What?
Leonard Hofstadter : Never mind, I got it.
Penny : Oh, you wanted me to pay.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's no big deal.
Penny : No, no, no, you're right, we're not going out anymore. I should pay for myself.
[Raj whispers in Howard's ear, and they start laughing]
Penny : What?
Howard Wolowitz : No, he, uh, He said if he had woman parts, he'd eat for free the rest of his life.
Penny : Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to talk to yourself.
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Penny : What's my share?
Leonard Hofstadter : 12 bucks.
Penny : Can I get it to you after Friday, when I get paid?
Leonard Hofstadter : Sure
Penny : What am I up to now?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, okay, with the Indian food, the pizza, the Thai food, the tank of gas, the frozen yogurt, and your rent, a little over $1400.
[Raj whispers in Howard's ear and both giggle]
Penny : What now?
Howard Wolowitz : He's just expressing his admiration that you don't even have to put out to get free stuff.
Penny : It's not free. I'm going to pay him back.
Penny : [Raj whispers into Howard's ear again and both giggle] Shut up!
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Sheldon Cooper : [Thinks he has appendicitis] So this is how it ends... with cruel irony. Just as I make the commitment to preserving my body, I am betrayed by my appendix, a vestigial organ. Do you know the original purpose of the appendix, Leonard?
Leonard Hofstadter : No.
Sheldon Cooper : I do, and yet I'm doomed while you live on.
Leonard Hofstadter : Funny how things work out, isn't it?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh Lord, I think it's about to burst!
[Loud fart]
Sheldon Cooper : On the other hand, it might have been the Brussels sprouts.
Leonard Hofstadter : Good night.
[Sheldon goes back to his room]
Sheldon Cooper : Good night. Appendicitis. What a nervous Nelly.