- Sheldon Cooper: I must say, Leonard, ever since you've been having regular intercourse, your mind has lost its keen edge. You should reflect on that.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me, but Einstein had a very busy sex life.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, and he never unified gravity with the other forces. If he hadn't been such a hound dog, we'd all have time machines.
- Raj Koothrappali: [Considering taking anti-anxiety medicine] As a scientist, thinking is my bread and butter. I'm afraid if I take these I might lose that unique, special something that has made me so successful in my field.
- Sheldon Cooper: Rajesh, I've had the privilege of working alongside you for many years. My advice to you is that you gobble these up like Tic-Tacs.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How does the cheetah attack a herd of wildebeests? By going after its weakest member.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, what makes me the weakest member?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Your trusting nature, coupled with your teeny-tiny body. You wouldn't last a minute on the Serengeti.
- [about a pair of shoes]
- Penny: Ooh, these are cute. Of course, if I buy them, I'll have to rent my womb out to a gay couple.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't know what color lonely is.
- Raj Koothrappali: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Red is angry, yellow is frightened, green is jealous, and blue is depressed. Perhaps we can assign a color to lonely.
- Raj Koothrappali: Nothing rhymes with orange. It's probably lonely.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Come in. You positively orange with loneliness.
- [Raj enters the apartment]
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I don't see that catching on at all.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm not a very good liar. They kind of whup that out of you in Catholic school.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Don't worry. I'll teach you. I did two years of Cub Scouts before they found out I was a girl.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How do you feel about concealing a recording device in the cleavage of your ample bosom?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I don't want anything in my ample bosom.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Come on, Strawberries. Take one for the team.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Until I met you and Bernadette, my trips to the bathroom had been entirely focused on elimination. Now, they have a delightful social aspect.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Amy, you must have been in the bathroom with other women before.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Of course I have. But, they were strangers and seemed off-put when I engaged in friendly stall-to-stall chit chat.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Some women don't like to get chummy when their panties are down.
- Sheldon Cooper: [about his new 3-person chess game] Do you know how I solved the balanced center combat-area problem? Five words: transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That, that's brilliant.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's what I do.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Did I tell you Priya invited me and Howard to have dinner with her and Leonard?
- Penny: Oh, that's nice.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No it's not. It's a strategic maneuver. Leonard's new girlfriend is testing Bernadette's loyalty to you and the group. That bitch is crafty.
- Penny: Didn't you get enough of this cliquey crap in high school?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I wish. A clique requires friends. I didn't have any.
- Penny: No?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I used to take my lunch down to the maintenance room and eat with the janitor. It was nice until his wife called me a puta and made me stop.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you for coming with me, Sheldon. You're a good friend.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm glad you think so. That's what I strive to emulate.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You texted me Penny's dating an astronaut.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I texted architect. That's amusing. Auto-correct must've changed it.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, it's hysterical.
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: [playing 3-person chess] My Catapult flings my Bishop to Howard's Queen's Gorilla two.
- Howard Wolowitz: Nice. Okay, Rook to Transporter Pad. And he comes out at Leonard's Queen's Bishop five-and-a-third. Check on Leonard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hang on. When is my Pawn allowed to use the Golf Cart?
- Sheldon Cooper: When it's done charging. Or you land on the Time Machine - obviously.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, oh, Beekeeper to King twelve. I capture your Pope and release the Swarm. Checkmate on Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: I knew I should have given my Pope the jet pack.
- Raj Koothrappali: [standing naked in the kitchen] Hey, I've got winners.