The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Apology Insufficiency (2010)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
-
Leonard Hofstadter : What are you doing up?
Sheldon Cooper : Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter : Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.
-
[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon Cooper : The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard Hofstadter : What does that have to with me and women?
Sheldon Cooper : Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.
-
[there's a knock at the apartment door]
Leonard Hofstadter : Want to get that?
Sheldon Cooper : Not particularly.
Leonard Hofstadter : Could you get that?
Sheldon Cooper : I suppose I *could* if I were asked.
Leonard Hofstadter : Would you please get that!
Sheldon Cooper : Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?
-
Raj Koothrappali : Sheldon, I want you to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson from the Hayden Planetarium in New York.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm quite familiar with Dr. Tyson. He's responsible for the demotion of Pluto from planetary status. I liked Pluto. Ergo, I do not like you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson : But I actually didn't demote Pluto. That was a vote of the International Astronomical Union.
Sheldon Cooper : If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Think about that, Dr. Tyson.
-
Howard Wolowitz : You're giving me a couch cushion?
Sheldon Cooper : No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
Sheldon Cooper : But you love that spot.
Howard Wolowitz : No. I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.
-
[last lines]
Howard Wolowitz : I gotta tell you, Sheldon, I understand why you chose this spot. I mean: the temperature is good but there's no draft, I can see the television but I can still talk th...
Sheldon Cooper : I changed my mind; get out of my spot!
Penny : How long?
Leonard Hofstadter : Ninety-four seconds.
-
Penny : I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon Cooper : Ah. Blame President James "Jimmy" Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, you face failure on a daily basis. How do you cope?
Penny : I drink...
-
Sheldon Cooper : You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI.
FBI Special Agent Angela Page : Here's my I.D.
Sheldon Cooper : And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.
-
Sheldon Cooper : You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard Hofstadter : Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon Cooper : No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste!
-
Sheldon Cooper : I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?
-
Penny : What are you doing here?
Sheldon Cooper : I have troubles, Penny. I've come to pour them out to the sympathetic ear of the local barkeep.
Penny : You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.
-
Sheldon Cooper : So you're saying my insomnia is caused by a guilty conscience.
Leonard Hofstadter : Actually, you don't have insomnia. You're sleeping now.
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me?
Leonard Hofstadter : You're having a guilt-ridden dream.
Sheldon Cooper : Do you have any evidence to support that hypothesis?
Leonard Hofstadter : How about that Gorn sitting on the couch.
[the Gorn waves]
Sheldon Cooper : That seems fairly conclusive.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Howard. The person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
Howard Wolowitz : You?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
Howard Wolowitz : And they were okay with that?
Sheldon Cooper : No. If anything, I made it worse.