- Ron Swanson: Do you fish, April?
- April Ludgate: No. Fish are gross.
- Ron Swanson: Let me give you a piece of fishing advice.
- April Ludgate: I said I don't...
- Ron Swanson: When you have a fish on the line, you don't just drag it behind the boat. You either reel it in, or you cut him loose. Especially if he's a nice fish with a big lovable fish heart.
- April Ludgate: You don't know what you're talking about.
- Ron Swanson: Maybe not. Maybe you really do hate Andy. Maybe moving to Indianapolis just to get revenge on him is a really good idea. What do I know?
- April Ludgate: [as Ron types loudly on his typewriter] Okay, somebody's got to do something. I'm getting a cluster headache.
- Jerry Gergich: Oh, whoa, whoa, he's leaving!
- Tom Haverford: Let's go! I'm gonna throw it away!
- [Tries to lift the typewriter]
- Tom Haverford: No, I'm not. It weighs a billion tons.
- Jerry Gergich: What is he typing anyway?
- Donna Meagle: [Reading] 'If you sons of bitches try to remove this typewriter, I'll kill you.'
- Ron Swanson: I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle! America! Megaphone! Monday! Butthole!