Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Red Sonja (2009)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : "You don't mess with Mako, motherfucker," "Leave Mako alone, he is the Man," and "You should crucify your privates for making fun of Mako!" Well, there goes the one-year anniversary surprise...

• Nostalgia Critic : Just when you thought Barbarian roleplaying was restricted to the bedroom, "Red Sonja" dares to show us that half-naked people in loincloths is not only fashionable but highly cost effective. A shame it doesn't have a well-developed story to go along with it. This is another one of those classic bad movies that everyone seems to talk about, but why? Is it really so bad that it even deserves mentioning? Well, grab a potion of pretentiousness and let's find out.

• Nostalgia Critic : You know, I'm very uncomfortable with these choices of words. "Only women may touch it." "Take it out." "She wants her for herself." If I just heard the audio to this, I'd swear I was listening to a medieval porno!

• Nostalgia Critic : I didn't know Ewoks had Geishas.

• Nostalgia Critic : Look at his wing-span. He's making Queen Amidala's clothes look subtle.

• Nostalgia Critic : Arnold approaches the training grounds through the... mystical god taking a dump.

• Kalidor (Arnold Schwarzenegger) : She's dead.

  Nostalgia Critic : Thank you, Captain Obvious! If I get hit by an arrow, you'd be sure to tell me, right?

• Nostalgia Critic : Wow! I'm so glad they showed us the long walk to the throne; otherwise, I never would have figured out how she got there! I just assume it was magic!

• Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) : [sees Red Sonja; gasps]  That girl!

  Ikol (Ronald Lacey) : Shall I send out a small ambush party?

  Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) : No. We'll wait till they get a little closer.

  Nostalgia Critic : It makes me seem... stupider that way.

• Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) : [to Prince Tarn]  I am disarmed. Kill me. Come on.

  Nostalgia Critic : PLEASE DO!

• Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) : You see, fencing and fighting are two different things.

  Nostalgia Critic : As well as acting and looking pretty.