- Nina: We can't let a teenage vampire loose on the street.
- Adam: Uh, I'm forty-six.
- George: There you go, he's forty-s... Really?
- Nina: Not emotionally he isn't. Like he said, he's effectively being breast-fed.
- Adam: Well, if you're offering...
- George: Oh, can you not ask my girlfriend to suckle you, please?
- Annie Sawyer: Oh, I thought I heard the door.
- Adam: Or did you hear my heart begin to beat a little faster?
- Annie Sawyer: No, no. No, definitely the door.
- Adam: You sure it wasn't the buttons on my fly pingin' off one by one? You know, because of... my lob on?
- Adam: [referring to George] Level with me, Mitch. How d'you stick it with this sad arse? I think you need a new wing man. I, sir, am a registered poon hound.
- George: Have you ever actually had sex, Adam? You know, proper balls deep sex? You touched a boob? Be honest with me, Adam, have you ever even touched a boob? Because I have! Loads!
- Sports Reporter: Our main story tonight is the much-anticipated clash between the vampire John Mitchell and as-yet-unnamed werewolf. Of course, regular viewers will know that this has been on the fixture list since the prophecy was given to Mitchell by one of his victims, that he would be killed by a werewolf; but, in a surprise move, Mitchell's camp recently cast doubt on the reliability of this prophecy. They're dismissed it as mind games, prompting this response from Team Werewolf: "Mitchell won't be saying that when he gets his head ripped off. There's a wolf-shaped bullet with his name on it. Mitchell's gonna get got." So, just looks like this story refuses to stay dead.
- Emma: Adam, for goodness sake, drink the man's blood and have sex with me on the billiard table. You are embarrassing us.