The Virginity Hit (2010)
Zack Pearlman: Zack
Photos
Quotes
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Zack : Matt has fallen ill with two acute medical conditions. Blue balls and a broken heart. And my associate, Jacob, and I have found a way to cure this problem.
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Zack : [to two pedestrian women] Have you ever lost your virginities? Wanna meet my friend?
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Zack : You just need to promise me you'll tell me one thing. Just one thing, that's all I want to know.
Matt : I'll try. I will.
Zack : Does she squirt?
[Matt looks dumbfounded]
Zack : Did she have a geyser? 'Cause she totally looks like...
Matt : Yeah, yeah.
Zack : Her vagina was like Old Yeller.
Jacob : No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's a dog. Yellow, you're thinking of...
Zack : Yellowstone Park.
Jacob : Yeah.
Zack : Old Geyser.
Jacob : [laughs] No, not...
Matt : Old Yeller. Old Yeller was the dog.
Justin : Old Yeller is the dog.
Matt : What's the name of the geyser?
Zack : Old Geyser.
Justin : Old Face...
Matt : Face/Off!
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Zack : [while on his knees, shaving Matt's pubic hair] So, when you're fucking her tonight, you know what you should say? I was thinking about this last week. You should say, "Girl, I'm gonna fuck the taste right out of your mouth."
Matt : No. No, I'm not saying that to anyone.
Zack : It's classy.
Matt : It's not classy.
Zack : It's very classy. That's like holding the door for a woman.
Matt : Saying that I want to fuck the taste out of someone?
Zack : Absolutely.
[Admires the shaving work he's doing]
Zack : I am good at this.