- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: Jayshree, are you bringing tea or should I order from outside ?
- Jayshree Parekh: [Irritated] Ohh God, I am on my way. Here. And Babuji, today you'll get breakfast.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: Why's that ?
- Jayshree Parekh: Well, the beggar who usually comes up in the morning didn't turn up today.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: This tea is a bit odd, isn't it ?
- Jayshree Parekh: [Delighted] You felt it Babuji ?
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: Yes. What have you mixed ?
- Jayshree Parekh: Pesticide obviously.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Shocked] What ! Why ?
- Jayshree Parekh: That cameleon who roams around in our kitchen accidentally fell into the kettle. I asked Praful Bhaiya to take care of it. And you know Praful Bhaiya.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: That donkey Praful. I get the feeling I am going blind.
- Jayshree Parekh: Please ensure nothing happens to you today atleast. We don't have a maid who can assist me.
- [Upon hearing the door bell]
- Jayshree Parekh: I guess it's that beggar.
- [Receiving flashlight upon opening the door]
- Jayshree Parekh: Hey, switch off those lights. Who're you ?
- Buddhidev: [Complying] I am Eshwar. Buddhidev. Lord of wisdom. Would you like some sweets of intelligence ?
- Jayshree Parekh: [Irritated further] Damn, I thought it was that beggar again.
- [Looking at Satish Shah's chariot]
- Jayshree Parekh: Ohh great, I should head to the market.
- [to the charotier]
- Jayshree Parekh: Saarthi Kumar, take me over to Kandivali.
- Buddhidev: [In sarcasm] Careful, there's traffic over there.
- Parminder 'Pammi' Kaur: [Post Engagement] Himanshu, were you forcefully sent to the hostel when you were in school ?
- Himanshu C. Seth: [In a comically sad tone] No Parminder. The hostel authorities forcefully handed me back to mummy and papa.
- Parminder 'Pammi' Kaur: I'll cheer you up. Let's go some place where there's just you and me.
- Himanshu C. Seth: [Comically delighted] You mean Bhosle Market, let's go.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [At Arvind Vaidya's funeral] Himanshu, Samdhi Ji told us that we have to fulfill a dream of yours. What was it exactly ?
- Himanshu C. Seth: Bapu, I always dreamt that I would have an immortal love story. Of the same stature as MAIN TULSI TERE AANGAN KI, DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE, MAINE PYAR KIYA,
- [going into override mentioning B-grade movies]
- Himanshu C. Seth: TARZAN, PAAPI GUDIYA. You know, that kind of a love story.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Cheering up Jamnadas Majethia] Somewhere on earth, for every stupid Praful, there is definitely an even more stupid Hansa.
- [With a deadpan face]
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: Definitely.
- Praful T. Parekh: Himanshu, don't worry. When Babuji was looking for a suitable match for me, I got rejected by 250 girls.
- Hansa P. Parekh: [Continuing Rajeev Mehta's story] Yes Himanshu. And 249 of them beat Praful head to toe, only the last one was confined to a mental asylum don't know why.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Scolding Rajeev Mehta in the hospital] Praful you're a donkey.
- Praful T. Parekh: Babuji, would you mind telling me something I am unaware of.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Angrily] What had I asked you for ?
- Praful T. Parekh: That you might need to communicate with the hospital staff and therefore I should get an instrument installed for it.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: So ?
- Praful T. Parekh: So what Babuji. Here I got you with this
- [brings a buffalo which in Hindi spells Bail]
- Praful T. Parekh: .
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Furious] Praful, you donkey, I had asked for a bell to be installed so that I ring it and somebody would attend to me.
- Praful T. Parekh: Let it be Babuji. You never clearly mentioned a "bell". And even with this buffalo you can get your work done.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: How ?
- Praful T. Parekh: [Giving comical explanation] Just spank this buffalo, it'll immediately produce it's roar and someone would come to attend you for sure. You create all the misunderstanding and yet you accuse me calling me a donkey.
- Hansa P. Parekh: [Saying her signature line on the film shooting] I am too tired Bhaishaab.
- Self - Film Director: [Exhausted by the stupidity of the Parekh family] Yeah, so am I.
- Himanshu C. Seth: What's your good name ?
- Melissa Fernandez: [Smiling] Maggie.
- Himanshu C. Seth: [Stupidly delighted] Maggie ! Then you must be ready within 2 minutes everytime right ?
- Fernandes: [Furious at Jamnadas Majethia's remark] Margaret ! But we fondly address her as Maggie.
- Praful T. Parekh: [Replying to Amit Singh Thakur] Strange. Nobody addresses me FONDLY. Everybody has something abusive before calling me.
- Fernandes: And why'd I abuse her verbally. She's my daughter afterall.
- Praful T. Parekh: Really, then you must be knowing her quite well.
- Fernandes: Sir, obviously I'd know her very well.
- Praful T. Parekh: Not necessary. Not everybody knows everything about me. Particularly my neighbours. It's a different thing, they're aware when I leave my house so they hide in theirs.
- Funeral Singer: [At Arvind Vaidya's condolence meeting] Brothers and Sisters,
- [despite it being obvious]
- Funeral Singer: I get the feeling that Shri Chandrankant Seth is no longer between us. So let us begin the proceedings and pray for him to rest in peace.
- [Proceeds to sing Bheege Hont Tere from MURDER, with lyrics adjusted to fit the tone of a funeral]
- Himanshu C. Seth: I don't know why, but everytime I get bad dreams forcing me to wake up at night, thinking if at all my proposals would come to fruit.
- Hansa P. Parekh: Yeah Himanshu, even I too get awakened at night by bad dreams, it's been so for the past 15 years.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: [Sarcastically] Hansa, you have never even once in these 15 years woke up before afternoon. How the hell are you supposed to be up at night ?
- Praful T. Parekh: Babuji, in Hansa's bad dreams it's always night. Simple things never go into your mind.
- Hansa P. Parekh: Yeah Praful. You know once I had a bad dream that Akshay Kumar visited our house but unfortunately there wasn't a pen so he could give his autograph. However, when he did give his autograph to all of us, Babuji was in great pain.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: Wait, why would I be pained if a star like Akshay Kumar gave his autograph to us ?
- Hansa P. Parekh: Don't ask stupid questions Babuji. Wouldn't you be in pain if somebody slashed your wrists.
- Tulsidas 'Babuji' Parekh: What ?
- Hansa P. Parekh: Yes Babuji, when Akshay Kumar couldn't find a pen, he simply used our knife to slash your wrists and gave us his autograph with your blood.
- Chakku Singh Ahluwalia: [Confessing to his suicide attempt on live tv] Yes, I tried to kill myself. Unfortunately, I couldn't succeed,
- [smiling]
- Chakku Singh Ahluwalia: so I am thinking to give it another try tomorrow.
- Public Prosecutor: [to Dinayar Contractor during Sanjay Sharma's case] Your honour, I represent Chakku Singh in his attempted murder at the hands of Mr. Himanshu Seth.
- Praful T. Parekh: [From the witness box] Ohh I see, you're a lawyer.
- Public Prosecutor: [Irritated] Mr. Parekh, I am wearing a black coat on white shirt and trousers. Its obvious I am a lawyer.
- Praful T. Parekh: It's not necessary. Isn't it possible that you might be a magician.
- Public Prosecutor: A magician ?
- Praful T. Parekh: Yeah, and going by your black clothes, you might be into black magic.
- Public Prosecutor: [Furious] And if I were into black magic, what'd I be doing in this courtroom ?
- Praful T. Parekh: Who knows if you might've performed something horrifying on someone and you're here to confess your crime to Judge Sir.
- Fernandes: [shouting after sending his dogs after Jamnadas Majethia and Anang Desai out of irritation] Go try finding a match for Himanshu from the mental asylum in Agra.
- Hansa P. Parekh: Don't talk like a moron. Why would we go till Agra when we want a girl from proper Mumbai itself !
- Chakki P. Parekh: [At the campfire] While we don't have anything about ghosts and spirits, we do have an interesting story ?
- Jakki P. Parekh: Yes, it's a tale of the BADE LOG
- [elders]
- Jakki P. Parekh: of our household.
- Camp Counselor: [Terrified] What ? A story about Hansa, Praful, Jayshree, Babuji, Himanshu ? My God, it's gonna be much more scary than a ghost story. These guys are worse than monsters.
- Jayshree Parekh: [At the movie's conclusion after continuous rantings by Anang Desai] Himanshu, just shoot Babuji out of this equation.
- Himanshu C. Seth: [Taking Nimisha Vakharia literally and pulling out his pistol] Right Jayshree Ben
- [shoots into the camera and the screen blacks out with Anang Desai's screams heard in the background]
- Himanshu C. Seth: .