- [deliberating how to get back at Todd]
- Jim Halpert: All right, well, this isn't my best, but call Froggy 101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets. We give them a number to call for the tickets, and it's his number.
- Dwight Schrute: Who is Justice Beaver?
- Jim Halpert: He... It's a crime-fighting beaver.
- Dwight Schrute: All right, picture this. Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A rabid pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope for you: the door to my shelter. You pound. You beg. "Dwight, please let me in." But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You want to know why?
- Jim Halpert: Because of the sign that says, "No pounding, no begging."
- Kevin Malone: [to Todd] Your life is so insane. You should write a book.
- Todd Packer: Since when did you learn how to read?
- Kevin Malone: [still smiling] I do know how to read, though.
- Todd Packer: Yeah. You know how to read a menu. This guy...
- [Todd chuckles and leaves]
- Kevin Malone: [to Holly and Dwight] I... He's right. I mean, I could lose some weight.
- Dwight Schrute: Kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up-and-comer.
- Holly Flax: [about Todd Packer] Okay, look, we can't fire someone because we don't like him.
- Ryan Howard: Right. This isn't the U.S. government.
- Kelly Kapoor: What are you referencing?
- Ryan Howard: Everything. Everything.
- [as Kevin, Holly, and Dwight are eating in the kitchen]
- Todd Packer: Hey, what's going on, you guys? Yeah. Three muske-queers.
- Kevin Malone: Mean, but good.
- [first lines]
- Dwight Schrute: I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals.
- Michael Scott: You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.