The Office (TV Series)

Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager (2011)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Dwight walks into the kitchen as Jim puts up a paper that says "Join The Fist" with a picture of a clenched fist] 

  Dwight Schrute : Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing? What's this? What's The Fist?

  Jim Halpert : It's just a social club. Like the French Revolution or The Black Panthers or communism. It's just a club. Guys talking.

  Dwight Schrute : You expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion?

  Jim Halpert : Nope, social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.

  [Darryl walks into the kitchen. Jim puts his fist up and Darryl does it back] 

  Dwight Schrute : Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist.

  Jim Halpert : And we would love to have you, but not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything.

• [in regards to Jo coming in to talk with Dwight as acting manager] 

  Dwight Schrute : So I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection.

  Jim Halpert : Question. If we've already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?

  Dwight Schrute : Define "foment."

  Jim Halpert : You define "foment."

• Toby Flenderson : I am supposed to collect eyewitness accounts. Who saw Dwight do this?

  [everyone in the conference room raises their hand] 

  Dwight Schrute : Okay, really?

  Toby Flenderson : Would you consider this a terrorist incident?

  Ryan Howard : I felt terrorized.

  Dwight Schrute : Come on.

  Toby Flenderson : Oh! There's a whole other terrorism booklet for that.

  Dwight Schrute : I just really, really think that we should handle this internally.

  Ryan Howard : Dwight, why is it on us to protect you?

  Dwight Schrute : Because you guys are my best friends. And I mean that. Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life. And if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground.

  [everyone has a shocked expression] 

  Dwight Schrute : And I mean that figuratively, not literally. Because you guys are so, so important to me. I love you guys, but don't cross me, but you're the best.

• [Deleted scene. Jordan reads back to Dwight the list on what everyone is "secretly up to," which Jim secretly wrote] 

  Jordan Garfield : Toby got bitten by a spider, but he seems stronger than ever.

  Dwight Schrute : Keep tabs on that.

  Jordan Garfield : Phyllis was selling a bunch of beet futures.

  Dwight Schrute : Did she say why?

  Jordan Garfield : No. Oscar was on some geological Web site, checking into the seismic pressure under the building, which had increased to 39.5.

  Dwight Schrute : 39.5?

  [Dwight stands up] 

  Jordan Garfield : Is that a problem?

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, gee, I don't know, is a mega-volcano a problem? God, this day!

• Dwight Schrute : I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also be never less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life, because I am manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting manager.

• [Dwight is talking to Jim in Dwight's office] 

  Dwight Schrute : Jo is coming later today. I cannot have a subordinate trying to make me look stupid. Okay? I need you to promise me you'll be on your best behavior.

  Jim Halpert : I *promised* other people that I would be on my worst behavior. And I gave them my word, so...

  Dwight Schrute : Don't make me fire you.

  Jim Halpert : You can't fire me. You're acting manager, not office manager, so you have no firing powers.

  Dwight Schrute : Don't make me pre-fire you.

  Jim Halpert : [serious tone]  You wouldn't dare.

  Dwight Schrute : Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full-fired.

  [Jim stands up and talks softly] 

  Jim Halpert : If you get promoted. And if you haven't fallen in love with me by then.

  Dwight Schrute : [shocked]  What?

• Kelly Kapoor : Dwight, I would like tomorrow off so that I can go on my American Idol audition.

  Dwight Schrute : American Idol, what? No.

  Kelly Kapoor : Okay, I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?

  Dwight Schrute : No.

  Kelly Kapoor : [singing]  Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?

  Dwight Schrute : Okay, fine, you can go on your singing audition.

• [Dwight comes in the conference room in a cowboy costume after shooting off a gun in the office] 

  Dwight Schrute : Yee-haw! Woo-hoo!

  [Dwight imitates a six-gun firing in the air] 

  Dwight Schrute : [in Wild West accent]  Howdy, partners. It's me, Gun Safety Dwight. And I'm the rootin'-est...

  [Stops, takes off his cowboy hat and speaks normally] 

  Dwight Schrute : I can't do this. Um, look, obviously a gun went off under my watch and I'm launching a full investigation.

  Stanley Hudson : We all saw you do it.

• [as Jim, Dwight, and a small group decide what to get Deangelo in the hospital] 

  Jim Halpert : All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and ballons.

  [Everyone but Dwight raises their hands] 

  Dwight Schrute : Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse.

  [Dwight raises his hand, as Jim jokingly looks around the group to see if anyone else did. No one else raises their hands] 

  Jim Halpert : Nope. Baskets have it.