Atop the Fourth Wall (TV Series)

Batman: Fortunate Son (2009)

Lewis Lovhaug: Linkara

Quotes 

• Batman : Pigs... from a gun!

  Linkara : What the Funk 'n Wagnall does that mean? Oh, from "I Am the Walrus"? Why is he randomly quoting... Oh, screw it!

• Robin : I mean wasn't there a lot of great punk coming out when you were a...

  Batman : PUNK! Punk is nothing but death... and crime... and the rage of a beast!

  [Linkara bursts out laughing] 

  Linkara : Okay, we gotta hear that again!

  Batman : Punk is nothing but death... and crime... and the rage of a beast!

  Linkara : I mean, how do you even get away with writing like that? Just wow!

• Linkara : Yes, risking people's lives because you're an asshole is cool. No wonder I don't connect to the young people today.

• [Linkara, appalled by Izaak Crowe's alleged worrying that he will become a sellout if he makes money off his music, gives a lecture on "real life 101"] 

  Linkara : In real life, money makes the world go round. It's all well and good to be talking about how something should about "the art" of it and not about the money, but in the real world, YOU NEED MONEY. That nice little guitar of his that Mr. Crowe uses to strum out his art and all that? Yeah, you need to keep that thing in good shape, you need to clean it, you need to replace broken strings, you need food so that the muscles in your arms don't atrophy and you're incapable of lifting a guitar. That being said, of course I'm not saying one should only be about the money, but what exactly is preventing Crowe from earning money AND making artistically revolutionizing music? I hate to agree with the villain, but the Joker is right.

  [cut to a clip of "The Dark Knight"] 

  The Joker : If you're good at something, never do it for free.

  Linkara : Take artists like Michelangelo or Leonardo DaVinci. They tended to get PAID for their work. You need money to *survive* in the real world. But in this comic, they're not living in the real world. They're living in a fool's paradise where they feel the need to rebel against their privileged environments because of "The Man" or some other bullcrap. But I'm sure you're all sick of this rant by now, so let me just end it with one more logical note: If the good Mr. Crowe is so incapable of simply making music *and* making money, why doesn't he just donate the proceeds to charitable foundations? I hate to break it to you, Guitar Hero, but there are people out there who'd trade every bit of music ever made if only they could have something to eat for a day. So you'll forgive me if I'm not feeling sympathy for your drug-addled, hallucinogenic road trip. And the worst part, we're still not even halfway through this thing.

• Batman : [to Robin]  Insanity... reverberates in every chord of this music you love...

  Linkara : You're an idiot.

• Linkara : [about Batman and Robin]  They figure based on the movements of the crowd that they and Crowe are headed for the original home of Not Elvis. We cut to said home where the assembled dumbasses decide to break in and claim the body of Not Elvis, who's sealed up in a glass case like he was freaking Lenin, for crying out loud.

  Izaak Crowe : In Europe, the relics of saints are on display to all worshippers - FREE!

  Linkara : Yeah, and how are those high tax rates in Europe going, hmm?

• [Crowe had blown up a TV station with a grenade to stop them for recording his music video] 

  Robin : [to Batman]  Nobody got hurt anyway! Is it such a huge crime to knock some cheesy videos off the air?

  Linkara : [stunned]  YES! IT IS TOTALLY A CRIME TO TOSS A GRENADE INTO A ROOM AND BLOW IT UP! DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT, DESTROYING THEIR ABILITY TO BROADCAST VIDEOS; I.E., AN INFRINGEMENT OF FREE SPEECH! THAT IS TOTALLY A CRIME, ROBIN! ARE YOU AS HIGH AS CROWE?

• Linkara : [about Crowe]  He says Not Elvis actually came from something "real", because he grew up from a shack.

  Izaak Crowe : I grew up on a mock-colonial tract! My parents work for the entertainment industry! My manager went to Oxford - and he's trying to keep me off drugs!

  Linkara : [mock shock]  Oh, no! It's so terrible that I grew up in an economically-stable environment, instead of impoverished and hungry and on drugs!

• Izaak Crowe : I want to be real! Do you know what kind of life people live out here? A laid-off, leased-out, minimum-wage, no-health, smoke-a-pack, drink-a-six, sick-of-the-tube, replaced-by-a-chain, bored-with-the-fear life!

  Linkara : [aggravated]  THEN FREAKING QUIT! IF YOU WANT THAT LIFE SO MUCH, EITHER WAIT OUT FOR YOUR CONTRACT TO EXPIRE, OR JUST STOP ALTOGETHER!