Jimmy Kimmel: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Self - Guest : I didn't drink, I still don't drink

  Self - Host : uh huh

  Self - Guest : so, we had a ball, I'm a dancer too. I stayed on the dance floor all night then I went home

  Self - Host : [as Magic laughs]  not in the same way other people go home. Some of the stories are so crazy, then it's funny because it's intercut with your family, with your mom and your dad

  Self - Guest : yes

  Self - Host : and their talking about their little son, how sweet you were

  Self - Guest : this nice guy, that's right

  Self - Host : this is on the topic of money

  Self - Guest : uh huh

  Self - Host : when in the documentary, you mention a commercial that made a big impact on you when you were a kid, do you know what I'm talking about?

  Self - Guest : yeah

  Self - Host : what was the commercial?

  Self - Guest : [referring to the name of the product]  the Camay commercial

  Self - Host : Camay?

  Self - Guest : yes, there's this big tub...

  Self - Host : [interrupts him]  it was soap

  Self - Guest : with bubbles and everything, I said "I gotta have that tub one day"

  Self - Guest : [to the audience when they and Jimmy laugh]  no, no true story, guess what happened? My first house, I made sure they built my bathtub just like that Camay commercial

  Self - Host : [after the audience applauds and they give each other a fist bump]  your Camay commercial came true

  Self - Host : I love seeing some of these guys, I love seeing Larry Bird in there talking about you, I love seeing Michael Jordan and we all know his crazy, right? I mean he's a crazy person, like so his "together", his everybody's idol and all that stuff but there's a lunatic living inside that head

  Self - Host : [after returning from commercial break and showing a clip from the documentary]  so, you won a championship in high school, in college, in the NBA, obviously and as an Olympian. Has anyone every won all of those things?

  Self - Guest : [when thinking it over]  I don't think any of them have

  Self - Host : yeah

  Self - Guest : listen, I only care about winning and I'm still like that today, I just love to win and...

  Self - Host : [interrupts him]  it was so interesting to talk about caring about winning: your friendship with Isiah Thomas and you guys really bonded so intensely and then you gave him a "shot" in the NBA finals and you guys weren't friends at all anymore

  Self - Guest : he was getting in the way of my championship: you can't get in the way of winning for me

  Self - Host : yeah

  Self - Guest : because I'd hurt you, I'm just that way

  Self - Host : remind me to never do that

  Self - Guest : yes, because sometimes you "try" me and I have to remind you I played in the NBA, and you played rec ball

  Self - Host : barely even that

  Self - Host : [after Magic laughs]  so there's really an amazing episode of this documentary where you talk about HIV and how you found out and how quickly it all happened and how you had to have a press conference, and you had to tell Cookie, your wife, she was pregnant, you were worried she had HIV

  Self - Guest : right

  Self - Host : you were worried the baby had HIV, you thought about taking your own life, like "heavy" stuff?

  Self - Guest : right

  Self - Host : so, then you go through this, everybody's there for you and then you come back, I think it was 1996? I was at that game

  Self - Guest : right

  Self - Host : it was unbelievable, you beat the Warriors, you played great, it was everything you could've hoped it could be. Next game, you played the Bulls, and what did Rodman and Jordan do in that game?

  Self - Guest : oh, man. First of all, they showed me the difference of a championship team and a playoff team, "they" were a championship team and "we" were just a playoff team and they played me so hard, they were physical, they pushed me around

  Self - Host : they "roughed" you up

• Self - Guest : oh, no question about it and Michael, after the game and he met me in between the locker rooms and he said "Earvin, you have to remember now, you're not with Kareem, you're not with James Worthy, all the guys you play with are not on that Laker team anymore, so maybe you should think about retiring?"

  Self - Host : [jokingly]  what a sick person

  Self - Guest : but he was right

  Self - Host : right or not, in that moment, here's another quote from the documentary, Jordan says "Look man, I told you in 92, there's new kids on the block, it's not Magic and Larry Bird anymore, you're on the way down and we're on the way up." He says this to you your second game back from retiring because of HIV and this is what your friend says to you?

  Self - Guest : yeah, so Larry and I are on the back of the bus and he says "I want you two to know there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Michael Jordan"

  Self - Host : really?

  Self - Guest : yes, and we had dominated the league, Larry and I, the Celtics and the Lakers for the whole entire 80's and so it was his turn and so he just sat back, had his cigar and said "It's my league now"

  Self - Host : wow, sounds like a bad movie

  Self - Guest : you know what we said?

  Self - Host : what?

  Self - Guest : [before they both laugh and the audience claps]  "Your right"

• Self - Host : I loved the documentary, by the way, I was looking forward to this like a lot of people look forward to know a new Star Wars movie. I watched all four episodes in one big chunk...

  Self - Guest : [interrupts him, to the audience]  and everybody Jimmy's in it

  Self - Host : [while the audience applauses]  I am, and I'll tell you something too, I was in the first episode for like four seconds, I'm like "I'm not in this thing", then I'm in it at the end

  Self - Guest : yes

  Self - Host : yes, so anyway it's great, you were talking about Kareem there and you show up and I want to go through the whole thing because I thought I knew everything about you and I didn't know you played against Larry Bird

  Self - Host : [while Johnson laughs]  I really didn't and I learned a lot of things, I didn't know the veterans get a rookie, and the rookie has to do whatever the veteran says and you were Kareem's rookie

  Self - Guest : yes, I was Kareem's rookie and he told me " Have my newspaper at seven o'clock in the morning," I say "Ok", every time at practice, when the coach says "Time out, "I want two waters and two Gatorades and I want them cold too." So, I say " Ok, cool", because I'm excited, I'm a rookie, I'm gonna do what he says, then we flew commercial, so every time we went to a airport, he says "I want two hotdogs, you better make sure their beef because I don't eat pork." Ok, so I'm going up and asking the concession guy "Are they beef?" He said "No, their pork," so I say "Shoot, I can't go back and tell him he can't have them because their pork." So, I did everything for Kareem and I loved every minute of it

  Self - Host : did you?

  Self - Guest : but what I was mad at was this

  Self - Host : what?

  Self - Guest : every time I brought him those hot dogs, when they did have beef, he didn't pay me

  Self - Host : [laughs]  you had to buy him hot dogs

  Self - Guest : and he made more money than me, I was only a rookie, on a rookie's salary

  Self - Host : you made up for that though: you got a contract, for and it's crazy to think about it, a million dollars a year for twenty-five years

  Self - Guest : yes

  Self - Host : that was what? 1984?

  Self - Guest : yes

  Self - Host : and all your teammates were mad right?

  Self - Guest : oh, yeah

  Self - Host : because it was a lot

  Self - Guest : [jokingly]  and their still mad

  Self - Host : well, it worked out, if you do the math, twenty years later in 2004, you're making a million a year, you're getting robbed basically, right?

  Self - Guest : exactly but you know what? It was great because I grew up poor my whole life

  Self - Host : yeah

  Self - Guest : so, to get a million dollars a year was outstanding but it changed the dynamic of the team, they thought that now I was "part" of the management

  Self - Host : [nods]  right

  Self - Guest : so, not just being a Laker player

  Self - Host : and you kind of were, you were more like "family" of management

  Self - Guest : [jokingly]  you were not supposed to tell everybody: it was our secret

  Self - Host : it seemed like if Jerry Buss was to draw up papers to legally adopt you, he would have, right?

  Self - Guest : yeah, that's what happened

  Self - Host : right, all of a sudden, you were like his son

  Self - Guest : exactly, I was the son from another mother, so it was beautiful, we had a great relationship. We were very close, I did everything with him, shot pool with him, went to dinner with him. After the game, went to nightclubs with him, he was a great dancer

  Self - Guest : [when the audience chuckles]  he was, he would dance all night

  Self - Host : you were eighteen when you came out, right?

  Self - Guest : right

  Self - Host : 6'9, two hundred pounds, right? That's what they list you as?

  Self - Host : [before Magic shushes him]  were you old enough to go to nightclubs?

  Self - Guest : [jokingly]  I had a fake ID

  Self - Host : I'd love to see that fake ID