The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Wiggly Finger Catalyst (2011)

Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, I know they have money. But I don't think it's that much.

  Sheldon Cooper : No, you're wrong. See, as you know, a few years ago I achieved one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. From time to time I noterized banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.

  Penny : So how much is that?

  Sheldon Cooper : About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

  Howard Wolowitz : What the hell, the last time we went to the zoo, that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Listen guys, I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. So vastly much.

  Penny : Okay, so he's got money and it's a few gifts and a car.

  Howard Wolowitz : And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.

  Penny : What? He paid off her credit cards? Damn it, I could have dated Raj for a couple months.

• Penny : [whispering]  Oh, here she comes!

  Howard Wolowitz : Smart. Whisper, so the deaf chick can't hear you.

• Penny : Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : Don't thank me, thank the dice. They told me what percentage of my face to shave.

  Howard Wolowitz : Why are you still doing this?

  Sheldon Cooper : Because it's working. In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions, I have co-authored two papers in notable peer review journals, and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You forgot to mention got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants.

  Sheldon Cooper : The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

• Penny : [sees Howard ogling at a woman in a gym]  Really, Howard? You're engaged to my friend.

  Howard Wolowitz : Hey, Bernadette doesn't need to know how I rev up my engine so long as I park the car in the right garage.

  Penny : I can't believe you're engaged to my friend.

• Raj Koothrappali : Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice, like James Earl Jones.

  Howard Wolowitz : She... she doesn't know how James Earl Jones sounds like!

  Raj Koothrappali : Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

• Howard Wolowitz : She asks if you play any instrument.

  Raj Koothrappali : No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a boyband called Frankie Goes to Bollywood.

• Sheldon Cooper : The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face to face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?

  Howard Wolowitz : I say, "Hey, Ma! What's for dinner?"

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon rolls dice]  Seventeen. The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass. And by the by, I liked it too.

• Raj Koothrappali : Mm, oh, cheesecake, you're just as good as a woman, even though I can't have sex with you.

  Howard Wolowitz : Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.

• Raj Koothrappali : Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.

  Howard Wolowitz : Really? That's the first thing you want to say?

  Raj Koothrappali : I worked on it all night. Use it.

  Howard Wolowitz : Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.

  Raj Koothrappali : Then spell it.

  Howard Wolowitz : I don't know how to spell it.

  Raj Koothrappali : You're blowing this for me!

  Howard Wolowitz : [signs]  He likes your eyes.

  Raj Koothrappali : You're making me sound like a caveman.

  Howard Wolowitz : She says, "Thank you, you have nice eyes too."

  Raj Koothrappali : Ask her how many children she wants and whatever she says, say, "Me too".

  Howard Wolowitz : No.

• Raj Koothrappali : Dude, what's she saying?

  Howard Wolowitz : It's a funny story about a puppy. Just smile and laugh.

  [Howard is not paying attention while he texts Bernadette] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Quick, quick, stop smiling.

  Raj Koothrappali : What? Why?

  Howard Wolowitz : The puppy died. It choked on a doll head. Sad face! Sad face!.

• Raj Koothrappali : [to Emily]  Hi.

  Howard Wolowitz : [as Emily signs]  She says it's nice to meet you.

  Raj Koothrappali : Does she really mean that or did she sign that sarcastically?

• Penny : [to Emily]  Can we talk to you about Raj?

  Howard Wolowitz : She says: "Sure, what about him?"

  Penny : Raj is naive. He hasn't dated a whole lot of women...

  [Howard stops signing here, as he gets distracted by two beautiful women at the reception desk behind them] 

  Penny : ... and I'm concerned that, without meaning to, you might be taking advantage of him, by letting him buy lots of expensive things and I...

  [realizing that Howard isn't signing anymore] 

  Penny : Howard! Focus. Tell her what I'm saying.

  Howard Wolowitz : Right!

  [signing] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Are you a gold digger or not?

  [Penny looks at him, disgusted by him. Emily gets infuriated, and starts to sign with rage] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Oh, uh... something, something... Who the something do you think you are? Mind your own something business and go something yourself!

  [Emily leaves, and Penny looks at him in shock] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Oh, I get this now...

• Howard Wolowitz : Really? On Dungeons and Dragons I enter a dungeon and find a dragon? Isn't that a little on the nose?

  Sheldon Cooper : When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and ladders?