- Barney Stinson: Studies show that 83% of all college students desperately need, Sex Lessons!
- Ted Mosby: [Protesting] Barney these are eighteen-year-olds!
- Barney Stinson: Ted, these are *eighteen-year-olds*!
- Barney Stinson: [to Kevin] So you're the therapist. You know it's one thing to pretend to be a therapist and bang your patients, that's normal, but to do it for real? Little creepy bro.
- Marshall Eriksen: Listen, I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday on how we all are going to die.
- Garrison Cootes: Oh, I'm not gonna die. I've bought a mine shaft in Colorado. I spent the past six months stocking it with canned goods, assault rifles, and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights.
- Marshall Eriksen: First of all, you can skip season 2. Second of all, after our talk, I came pretty close to giving up myself, but then I went to the doctor with my wife, and I saw this.
- [shows Garrison ultrasound footage on laptop]
- Garrison Cootes: Boy or girl?
- Marshall Eriksen: I don't know, but I know I sure as hell can't give up now. So if you're looking for someone to hold one end of the limbo stick, you got the wrong guy. You know why?
- Garrison Cootes: 'Cause you're three feet taller than everyone in this office?
- Marshall Eriksen: No, because if I'm going to work here, then first thing tomorrow, I'm going down to Gruber Pharmaceuticals and rejecting our offer - even if I have to do it myself.
- Barney Stinson: [Barney tries to call Nora on her actual age] I know you're old, and I've been struggling with it, but when I look at you, and I don't care, because I really like you... and because for 37, you're keeping it really tight!
- Nora: You think I'm 37?
- Barney Stinson: If you were actually 29, then you would have been a little kid the first time you saw the Ewoks, and you would have loved them!
- Nora: Barney, I never saw any of the Star Wars movies until last year.
- Barney Stinson: You... you're 29?
- [embraces Nora]
- Barney Stinson: You still have one good year left!
- Nora: [Surprised] What?
- Barney Stinson: Nothing...
- [kisses Nora]