- [last line of the episode, after Sheldon scares Leonard, who just found out that Priya cheated on him]
- Sheldon Cooper: Bazinga, punk! Now we're even!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [off screen] Who is it?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz!
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's not my mom, that's Bernadette.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? That's unsettling.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, the walls are dripping blood, which looks nothing like a phenolphthalein indicator exposed to a sodium carbonate solution.
- [reading red paint on the wall]
- Sheldon Cooper: "See you in hell Sheldon..." The most frightful thing about that is the missing comma!
- Howard Wolowitz: [after scaring Sheldon and making him faint] Who had money on faints?
- Raj Koothrappali: I had peed his pants.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hang on. Looks like everyone's a winner.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz. You put 'er there, you son of a gun!
- [holds out his hand]
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, whatever.
- [they shake hands, Howard gets the electric shock, and faints]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh my God, Howard! What did you do?
- Sheldon Cooper: [panics] It was a harmless Halloween prank... Look...
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard has a heart condition! You know that!
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I thought he made that up! Isn't hypochondria common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: This is adrenaline... we're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
- Sheldon Cooper: We are?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You are! I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we've only got one shot!
- [gives the needle to Sheldon]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh no! I can't!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Hurry! We're running out of time!
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay...
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Just do it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh God! One... two... three...
- [sticks a "needle" in Howard's chest]
- Howard Wolowitz: [opens his eyes undramatically, revealing that he was just acting] Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
- Sheldon Cooper: [while Howard and Bernadette laughs] What? No! You mean all this was just a ruse? Oh, how could I be so STU-U-U-U...
- [touches his head with the electronic device and falls down again]
- [Sheldon is working on an electric device he plans to trick Howard with]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Howard. I've realized that you scaring me was all in just. Now, allow me to say... "Good job."
- [he shakes hands with himself. He thereby touches the electric device and gets an electric shock, falling down towards the floor]
- Sheldon Cooper: Some ghostly moans, rattling of chains and a witch's cackle, the trifecta of haunted house cliches. Instead of "eek", I say "yawn".
- [Leonard is getting advice from Penny about whether he should sleep with a local woman while his girlfriend is living in India]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Here's the thing: I-I-I'm not one of those guys who sneaks around and sleeps with more than one woman.
- Penny: Good for you!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Problem is, I want to be one of those guys.
- Penny: So, sleep with the new girl and lie to Priya.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, that's not who I am.
- Penny: Alright, then break it off with the new girl.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, now let's not do anything rash. Sh-she's really hot...
- Penny: If you like this girl so much, why don't you just end things with Priya?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Priya and I are in love. I think we could get married some day.
- Penny: Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women, and have everybody be happy about it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: *Now* we're getting somewhere!
- Sheldon Cooper: [after trying to scare Raj] I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [after Alice writes down her number in his palm] Sorry, my palm is a little sweaty. What's that word?
- Alice: Alice.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, right! Your name. That makes more sense than "penis".
- Howard Wolowitz: [to Leonard] Did you just pick a girl up in a comic book store?
- Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on The Wall of Heroes.
- Penny: Did you tell her about Priya?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, I was gonna, but I had too many tongues in my mouth.
- Priya: [after confessing he kissed another woman] Leonard, relax. It's ok.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It is?
- Priya: Yeah. These things happen. They happen to everybody.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh my God, you are amazing. I mean, I don't deserve you. Wh-what do you mean everybody?
- Priya: Leonard, I didn't know if I should tell you, but, I kind of cheated on you, too.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Kind of?
- Priya: A couple of weeks ago, I slept with my ex-boyfriend. So I guess we both messed up a little.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, I messed up a little, you messed up a lot.
- Priya: Well, it's not a competition.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, yeah it is, and you won.
- Howard Wolowitz: Come on. Admit it, we got you, Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: Please! Fright depends on an element of surprise. The simple fact is, because I am much smarter than you and able to anticipate your actions...
- [Leonard comes up behind him in a mask]
- Sheldon Cooper: ...it is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me.
- Raj Koothrappali: He's probably right.
- Howard Wolowitz: We can't beat him. He's just too smart.
- Sheldon Cooper: [satisfied] Gentlemen.
- [turns around, sees Leonard in his mask, screams and faints down on the floor]
- Leonard Hofstadter: [after scaring Sheldon a second time] You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, we used to go out, right?
- Penny: [dryly] Oh, my God, that's where I know you from.
- Stuart: Hot girl, 9 o'clock. Don't everybody look at once.
- Raj Koothrappali: What is she doing in a comic book store?
- Stuart: I don't know. She might be lost.
- Sheldon Cooper: You guys forget, I'm from Texas, where we know how to settle a score. Don't ask me, ask Mexico.
- Penny: Did you tell her about Priya?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I was gonna but there were too many tongues in my mouth.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, uh, here it is. Is it cheating if a guy has a girlfriend...
- Penny: Yeah, probably.
- Sheldon Cooper: The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That actually does help.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.
- Alice: Are you getting this "Next Men"?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, yeah, it's issue number 21, first appearance of Hellboy.
- Alice: I know. I've been looking for it for years.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sorry.
- Alice: Hey, if I pretended to hit on you, could it distract you enough to sneak it away?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, but you'd be using your superpowers for evil.
- Alice: Damn. I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian father to do so.
- Sheldon Cooper: [revising a physics equation on his white board] And reverse the spin on the antiproton and gamma becomes alpha, multiplied by a matrix of negative i comma zero, and there we have it: conclusive proof that I am absolutely worthless after 9 o'clock.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [breaking off from kissing] Dammit. I can't. I can't, I can't do this.
- Alice: Uh, is it my tongue stud? 'Cause if that freaks you out you're in for a real surprise later on.