The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Sheldon knocks on Penny's door] 

  Penny : Who do we love?

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny!

  [knocks again] 

  Penny : Who do we love?

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny!

  [knocks again] 

  Penny : Who do we love?

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny!

• Sheldon Cooper : I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm listening.

  Sheldon Cooper : With the understanding that nothing changes, whatsoever. Physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Interesting. Now, try it without the quadruple negative.

  Sheldon Cooper : You're being impossible.

  [Amy leans over to Stuart] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Hi, Stuart!

  Sheldon Cooper : Fine!

  [Amy leans back to Sheldon again] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Amy... Will you be my girlfriend?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Yes.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, that's enough of that.

• Penny : Alright, honey, let me tell you a story. There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt. Eventually he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?

  Sheldon Cooper : I believe I do.

  Penny : Mhm.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm the guy.

  Penny : You're not the guy.

  Sheldon Cooper : Are you sure? That would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment, the baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me, the way you call me sweetie all the time...

  Penny : I call everyone sweetie.

  Sheldon Cooper : You tramp.

• Penny : Look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is... strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.

  Sheldon Cooper : Strap on a pair? Uh, of what? Skates?

  Penny : Oh, sweetie, you're so not the guy.

• Sheldon Cooper : [knocks]  Penny.

  [knocks] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Amy.

  [knocks] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Bernadette.

• Sheldon Cooper : I got a splinter.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What do you want me to do about it?

  Sheldon Cooper : Relationship agreement, section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I should have gotten a lawyer.

• [Sheldon joins Amy and Stuart on their date] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, what are you doing here?

  Sheldon Cooper : The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offence Stuart.

  Stuart : None taken. Though repellent's kind of a, kind of a strong word.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : How did you get into my apartment?

  Sheldon Cooper : Is this the kind of nagging I'm going to expect now that you're my girlfriend?

• Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward.

  Sheldon Cooper : I know what this is about. Given the professional stand still you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching.

  [pauses] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes.

• Penny : What's up?

  Sheldon Cooper : I came to ask if you would like to go on a date with me.

• Penny : Oh god, are you trying to make Amy jealous?

  Sheldon Cooper : No! Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart, and whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercourse tonight?

  Penny : Ok, listen to me, playing games is not gonna help get Amy back.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not trying to get her back! But out of curiosity, what is a way?

• Sheldon Cooper : So, what do you think of new comic book night? Magic, right?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, I'm disappointed in you. Sure, a genius such as yourself is allowed his vices. I can understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow men for sport, but this? Lame-o.

  Sheldon Cooper : A. comic books are storytelling through the use of sequential art, a medium that has existed for 17,000 years back to the cave art of Lascaux; and B. you play the harp, like that's cool.

• Howard Wolowitz : I thought you didn't like Facebook anymore.

  Sheldon Cooper : Don't be silly. I'm a fan of anything that tries to replaces actual human contact.

• Sheldon Cooper : There is no way that Stuart, an impoverished peddler of picture books, would be at all appealing to Amy Farrah Fowler, a noted neurobiologist capable of performing surgery on her own feet with nothing but nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anesthesia.

• Raj Koothrappali : Wild Bill Witchcock.

  Leonard Hofstadter : A tribe of Abra-Commanches.

  Sheldon Cooper : Flaming Spittoon. And for the record, I'm very disappointed in you cowpokes. We're playing our inaugural round of Wild West and Witches, I'm the only one who bothered to dress for the occasion.

  [spits into a spittoon] 

• Sheldon Cooper : My bowel movements run like a German train schedule.

• Sheldon Cooper : Now, getting back to the problem at hand, what to do with a washed-up experimental physicist.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I am not washed-up.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh Leonard, lots of people love you and want to help you, but they can't until you admit the problem.

• Sheldon Cooper : I present to you the Relationship Agreement. A binding covenant that, in its 31 pages, enumerates, iterates, and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as the girlfriend.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It's so romantic.

• Sheldon Cooper : Did it look ridiculous when we got the Satanimals pack and I dressed up as a Beelzebobcat?

• Stuart : So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice!

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.

  Stuart : Oh, you're welcome.

  Sheldon Cooper : [Knocking from inside Amy's apartment]  Amy! Amy! Amy! Let's wrap things up out there!

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Umm... Good night Stuart!

  Stuart : Good night!

  [They hug] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Take a hint Stuart, the lady said good night!

• Sheldon Cooper : I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching. Yes! And if I may suggest, consider changing discipline, to the humanities or perhaps history. One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know, you just have to remember stuffs that happened and then parrot it back. You can have fun with that.

• Sheldon Cooper : I got a splinter.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What do you want me to do about it?

  Sheldon Cooper : Relationship Agreement Section 4: Boo-Boos and Ouchies. You have to take care of it.