- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Sheldon hands Amy a gift bag, as a token of apology; Amy isn't pleased at first] Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparently-manipu...
- [as soon as she takes it out, her tone and demeanor instantly change and she is practically singing]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: OHHH, IT'S A TIARA! A tiara! I have a tiara!
- [to Penny, talking quickly as she dashes around the room]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!
- Penny: [helps her put it on] You... look... beautiful.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Yelling happily] OF COURSE I DO, I AM A PRINCESS AND THIS IS MY TIARA!
- [she turns, kisses, and embraces Sheldon and doesn't let go]
- Sheldon Cooper: [after he slowly, but not uncomfortably, puts his arms around her, to Penny straight-faced] You were right. A tiara was too much.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, a little Red Dead Redemption, huh
- Sheldon Cooper: [shown playing video game] Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How come you're not doing a mission? You're just wandering around.
- Sheldon Cooper: I had a rough night, thought I'd go for a walk and clear my head.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Some people go outside and do that.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm gonna have a whiskey. Do you want anything?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, I can't. I'm playing Grand Theft Auto later.
- Penny: Sheldon, what is wrong with you?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, not much. Although, I can be faulted for being overly fond of koala bears. I don't know what it is. When they start munching on eucalyptus, I just melt inside.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: It's obvious having kids is really important to you and I think I came up with a solution.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? That's great. What?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, seeing as how I make way more money than you anyway, what if I worked and you stayed home with the kids?
- Howard Wolowitz: Me?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah. You know, you watch Barney and pull Cheerios out of their noses and go on play dates, and I'll work and have conversations with people my own age and enjoy my life.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier we were just looking at at Sears.
- Penny: Oh, my God! Now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
- Sheldon Cooper: Coins lodged in body parts is not a source of amusement. When I was five, Billy Sparks put a Mexican Peso up my nose.
- Howard Wolowitz: How is that not amusing?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's still there. Takes me 45 minutes to get through airport security.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look, I made Sheldon disappear, tada!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Next time you should open with that.
- Penny: So are we celebrating anything special tonight?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh yes! Our relationship agreement specifies that the second Thursday of every month, or the third Thursday in a month with five Thursdays, is date night.
- Penny: That is so hot.
- Penny: Sheldon, that pocket watch is ridiculous.
- Sheldon Cooper: Nonsense. I look like a train conductor.
- Penny: Well, if it isn't Pasadena's favorite new power couple, Shamy.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Amy] And that is the answer to your question "what is wrong with going to the Cheesecake Factory?"
- Sheldon Cooper: [game character walks into saloon] I'll just go in this saloon and drink my troubles away.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know... Digital alcohol is never a solution.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is this how you're going to entertain children, by lying to them?
- Howard Wolowitz: How is this lying?
- Sheldon Cooper: A magic show is an inherently deceitful proposition. "This is an ordinary tophat." "You've chosen that card freely." "I do not have a set of lock picks lodged in my keister."
- Raj Koothrappali: Can't you just enjoy the wonder, Sheldon? Why must you peek behind the curtain, or up the butt?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Lord. A man steps out for a minute to empty his bowels and catch up on the latest adventures of the Caped Crusader, and returns to find that his apartment has transformed into a cabaret.
- Howard Wolowitz: Maybe me and Bernadette aren't right for each other.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, Howard, I'd say there's a lot of fish in the sea, but I watched you dangle your hook for years. Do not throw her back.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't want to, but this is kind of a deal breaker.
- Raj Koothrappali: What will your mom say if you call off the wedding?
- Howard Wolowitz: Heh, it'll kill her. If I don't give her grandchildren, that'll kill her too. So either way on the Mom front, I'm golden.
- Debbie Wolowitz: I hope it fits! She has a tricky figure! She's short and stacked, like me!
- Howard Wolowitz: She's not stacked like you, Ma! She never steps on hers!