- Pam De Beaufort: [incredulous to Sookie and Lafayette] I am wearing a Wal-Mart sweatsuit for y'all. That's not demonstration of team spirit, I don't know what is.
- Steve Newlin: Now, there's something I've been gathering up the courage to tell you since the moment I found out you were sleeping with my wife. You see, I did not care so much that you slept with Sarah. What hurt me was that she got to sleep with you. But even before that, the whole time you were at camp, all of these feelings were building up inside of me. I couldn't admit to it, not even myself. And I think that's why I started acting the way that I did all along, murders and whatnot. But now that I have been blessed with the gift of immortality, I finally have the strength to say it. I'm a gay vampire American. And I love you, Jason Stackhouse.
- Man: In the name of the one true Vampire Authority, in whose wisdom and justice all is made manifest by God, do not fucking move!
- Pam De Beaufort: [seeing all the blood in Sookie's kitchen] Color me impressed. You guys know how to party.
- Lafayette Reynolds: [about Tara] Turn her for us.
- Pam De Beaufort: Turn her? I don't even like her.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Lafayette, Tara hates vampires.
- Lafayette Reynolds: Bitch, she took a bullet for you. You really gonna deny her a chance to live?
- Pam De Beaufort: I can't be the only one who's noticed she's missing half her head, now can I? Even if I tried, what's to say she won't rise up out of the ground tomorrow night completely and utterly fucktarded?
- Steve Newlin: All I want is to talk.
- Jason Stackhouse: See, you say that, but I've seen your fangs and I've been around the block enough times to know that fangs are basically like twin hard-ons. Hard-ons for trouble and for feeding on somebody.
- Patrick Devins: One squad, four fires. That had to be one hell of a coincidence if it was one.
- Terry Bellefleur: Our fire's got nothing to do with the rest of y'all's. Ours was started because of a misunderstanding with a super-pretty ghost named Mavis who turned out to be real nice in the end.
- Steve Newlin: I am Steve fucking Newlin. Who the fuck are you?
- Jessica Hamby: Who the fuck I am is an older vampire than you. Who I also am is the progeny of the King of Louisiana, who happens to be out of town, which pretty much makes me the queen.