- Andy Bellefleur: Jesus, Stackhouse. Have you slept with every woman in this town?
- Jason Stackhouse: I don't know, close, I guess.
- Eric Northman: [Flashback in 1905] The streets can be dangerous at this hour. A lady should really be more careful.
- Pam De Beaufort: If I meet a lady, I'll let her know.
- Martha Bozeman: My son was not perfect, but he deserves respect.
- Alcide Herveaux: I disagree.
- Martha Bozeman: You murdered the Packmaster. As new master of this pack, it is your obligation to eat.
- Alcide Herveaux: No, thank you. I've no interest in being the new Packmaster. Or eating the old one.
- Nigel Beckford: A little different on this side of the bars, isn't it, Nora?
- Eric Northman: A friend of yours?
- Nora Gainesborough: Nigel Beckford. He was a nurse practitioner in Mass General's maternity ward. Instead of delivering babies, he kept eating them.
- Andy Bellefleur: Stackhouse?
- Jason Stackhouse: Yeah?
- Andy Bellefleur: I had sex.
- Jason Stackhouse: Heh-hey! Welcome to the club!
- Andy Bellefleur: It's not the first time, assmunch! Only reason I mention it is, the lady who I had it with has been sort of blowing me off lately and I got to thinking, maybe I did something wrong?
- Jason Stackhouse: Are you kidding? That means you did something right. I mean, that's getting to eat the pie without having to pay for the cow.
- Junior: What can I do for ya? I
- Sookie Stackhouse: I got a real powerful vampire who's just itching to sink his fangs into me.
- Junior: You got a vamp problem, you need a colloidal silver mister. "Knock, knock. 'Who's there?' 'It's me, a vampire.' Pffft. 'Oh, it burns, it burns. I'm gonna leave you alone, go eat your neighbor.'"
- Dieter Braun: Do you know what this is?
- Bill Compton: It's the Bible.
- Dieter Braun: Old or New Testament?
- Bill Compton: Neither. It predates both. It's the Original Testament. The Vampire Bible. It states that before God created Adam and Eve, He created Lilith. Who, like God, was vampire.
- Roman Zimojic: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Sanguinista Movement?
- Bill Compton: I don't even know what it is.
- Roman Zimojic: Mr. Northman?
- Eric Northman: Yeah, I'm trying to stay away from politics as much as possible.