The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Friendship Contraction (2012)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : So, um. how are you?
Stuart : Uh, not so good; my shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note.
Sheldon Cooper : Great, great.
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Penny : I got some candles in my apartment.
Sheldon Cooper : Candles, during a blackout! Are you mad! That's a fire hazard. No, Pasadena Water & Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
Leonard Hofstadter : You call that a glow stick?
[Pulls out a glowing lightsaber replica]
Leonard Hofstadter : That is a glow stick.
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Sheldon Cooper : Now, put on your hard had and safety vest.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, fun! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of The Village people.
Sheldon Cooper : You make that joke every three months; I still don't get it.
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Sheldon Cooper : My apologies. I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.
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Sheldon Cooper : Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes.
Sheldon Cooper : Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities, and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. "S'up?"
Leonard Hofstadter : Where do I sign?
Sheldon Cooper : Right here.
[turns his tablet around]
Sheldon Cooper : Use your finger.
Leonard Hofstadter : There, done.
Sheldon Cooper : All right, that's it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise. We are now merely acquaintances. To amend the words of Toy Story: You have not got a friend in me!
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?
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Sheldon Cooper : Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus, but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico.
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Leonard Hofstadter : It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power'll be back on soon.
Sheldon Cooper : And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now. I like to think they ate him first.
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Sheldon Cooper : He'll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark; he's going to be bored out of his mind.
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Sheldon Cooper : I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness, unsatisfactory; follows direction, barely; attitude, a little too much. Overall, not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.
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Sheldon Cooper : I was just sitting at home, thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
Stuart : Ninth?
Sheldon Cooper : You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.
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[first lines]
[Sheldon sounds a virtual klaxon in Leonard's bedroom]
Leonard Hofstadter : Yahhh! What the hell!
Sheldon Cooper : Emergency preparedness drill.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, no, come on!
Sheldon Cooper : You know how it works. Once a quarter; keep our readiness up. Now, rise and shine sleepyhead, half the town is probably dead.
Leonard Hofstadter : I have to get a lock for my door.
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Sheldon Cooper : [to Amy] You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need? Oh, where'd the magic go?
Penny : Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. Although, you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know...
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Sheldon Cooper : An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!
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[During a blackout Leonard and Penny start to make out. Sheldon walks in unannounced]
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter : Since when DON'T you knock? It's like the only good thing about you!