The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Rothman Disintegration (2012)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Barry Kripke : How does it work?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry Kripke : I'm sowwy, can you wepeat that?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry Kripke : Almost got it. One more time?
Sheldon Cooper : Sure! Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock...
Howard Wolowitz : Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon Cooper : ...rock crushes...
Howard Wolowitz : Stop. He's screwing with you.
Sheldon Cooper : Is he? Well, then, seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.
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Sheldon Cooper : [at the urinals at work] Kripke.
Barry Kripke : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : You're in my spot.
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Sheldon Cooper : Use the force, Sheldon. Use the force.
[Throws ball, it falls short of the basket]
Sheldon Cooper : I'm gonna need more force.
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Leonard Hofstadter : All right, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins. Any questions? Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper : Five what?
Leonard Hofstadter : Balls in the basket.
[Sheldon gives a thumbs-up to Leonard]
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Howard Wolowitz : It's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
Leonard Hofstadter : What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
Howard Wolowitz : I wonder how long Sheldon's got?
Sheldon Cooper : These shrimp are all the same size. There is no logical order to eat them in.
[Throws shrimp away]
Leonard Hofstadter : It can't be very long.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Knock on door] Ooh. That'll be Kripke.
Leonard Hofstadter : What's he doing here?
Sheldon Cooper : We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.
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Sheldon Cooper : I see no other option but to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.
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Sheldon Cooper : This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard Hofstadter : You just called dibs.
Sheldon Cooper : Shut it.
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Leonard Hofstadter : There's not much you're both equally good at.
Raj Koothrappali : Is there anything you're both equally bad at?
Sheldon Cooper , Barry Kripke : Sports.
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Sheldon Cooper : Mr. Rothman, this isn't your office anymore. You're retired.
Professor Rothman : I think the word you're looking for is "invisible".
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Leonard Hofstadter : [Sheldon has gotten his head stuck in a hole in his office wall] Why would you do that?
Sheldon Cooper : I wanted to see what was inside.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why?
Sheldon Cooper : It's called scientific curiosity!
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why is there a hole here?
Sheldon Cooper : Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities. There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or, the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.
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Sheldon Cooper : And let him win? Do I look crazy to you?
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Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon was higher.
Leonard Hofstadter : Congratulations Sheldon. You win the office.
Sheldon Cooper : Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?
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Sheldon Cooper : Ah, the spoils. I can see why victors love them.
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Sheldon Cooper : Kripke. Come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry Kripke : Am I weawing a summer fwock? No, I don't want tea. Wet's get down to bwass tacks.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...
Barry Kripke : We're not fwiends.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right. As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following. I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry Kripke : How about I take Wothman's office and you go suck a wemon?
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Sheldon Cooper : [in the rest room] President Seibert?
President Siebert : Can't this wait?
Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, we just need a word.
President Siebert : Now? You realize I'm your boss and I am holding my penis.
Barry Kripke : Sheldon, give the man some pwivacy. I'm sowwy, this guy's got no wespect for boundawies.
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Sheldon Cooper : Oh dear! There it is again. Do you feel it?
Howard Wolowitz : The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yep.
Sheldon Cooper : No, the vibration. We are directly underneath the Geology lab and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey gravel monkeys! If you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!
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Sheldon Cooper : [to the mockingbird] And you! The notes are C, D, E, G, and A. You pick one or I'm chopping down that tree!
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Raj Koothrappali : At least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.
Sheldon Cooper : Is it? Listen.
Raj Koothrappali : What? You don't like wind chimes?
Sheldon Cooper : No. I hate them, but it gets worse... There it is!
Howard Wolowitz : The bird?
Sheldon Cooper : It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.
Raj Koothrappali : So?
Sheldon Cooper : You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song. Which means, he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.