- [Anna Maria's mother meets the "hypnotist" Veronica hired for her party]
- Mrs. Guerrero: Oh, hey yeah. Veronica told me, come on in. They're down in the basement, but I'm sure you already knew that, right?
- Mesmer: I'm a hypnotist, not a fortune teller, and yes I did.
- [before an onion eating contest]
- Johnny Onion: I knew you girls couldn't be in the right place.
- Paige: Oh, I'm sorry. Did somebody say "Beetlejuice" three times?
- Johnny Onion: The cooking contest is that way.
- Paige: And the porta-potties are that way you piece of sh... .
- [interrupted by feedback on the emcee's microphone]