- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Do you know, for a while in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors?
- Penny: Oh, that's cool.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: [laughs] I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling!
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard, you are a good friend and I wish you nothing but happiness. Bazinga! I don't!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Double-Bazinga! I do!
- Penny: So, I hear you and the Lost Boys are having a Bachelor Party tonight.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, just going to a restaurant. Get some steaks, some Scotch. You've nothing to worry about.
- Penny: Why should I worry?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know, it's a Bachelor Party. There could be strippers. Won't that make you a little jealous?
- Penny: Come on Leonard. It's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [surprised] Are you drinking whiskey?
- Sheldon Cooper: Indeed. If I am to participate in the social convention that is the stag night, then I must embrace all its components, including tobacco, swear-words and, yes, alcohol.
- [he takes a drink]
- Sheldon Cooper: Jeepers, that's yucky!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Whoa. It's a little early to start dropping j-bombs, don't you think?
- Howard Wolowitz: Tell her I'm really sorry and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by is the guy that I'm disgusted by too, but that guy doesn't exist any more. He's gone and the reason is because of her. So if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man and tell her thank you.
- Penny: Oh my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.
- [last lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hello.
- Penny: What's with the robe?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [removing robe] I'm going to have sex with you, right here, right now, on that washing machine.
- Penny: No, you're not.
- Leonard Hofstadter: C'mon, please.
- Penny: You want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.
- Raj Koothrappali: And then, there was the time Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas, and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and wanted his little kosher pickle! Of all the Howard humping hooker stories, that is my favorite!
- Raj Koothrappali: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to said they can get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette, no strippers.
- Raj Koothrappali: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. That one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
- Raj Koothrappali: What about the tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con?
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't remember. Please sit down.
- Raj Koothrappali: The only threesome I've had in my whole life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man. Now, don't get me wrong, nothing happend with me and Howard. There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
- Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why didn't you tell me?
- Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. When it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there. This is really on you.