2 Broke Girls (TV Series)
And the Candy Manwich (2012)
Kat Dennings: Max Black
Photos
Quotes
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Caroline Channing : Look at all these people just sitting here, not tipping, working on their computers. This guy has a brand new Apple, I've been eating the same apple for a week. I blame Steve Jobs.
Max Black : These people are more like, Steve "I Have No" Jobs. All right, that's it.
[Max walks over to Earl]
Max Black : Earl, I need to get the wireless router.
Earl : Oh, is that what this is? I though tit was a cookie warmer.
[Max takes the wireless router from Earl]
Max Black : Attention deadbeat diners. You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee. This is not a Starbucks. And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas. This is the router for the free WI-FI. And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips.
Caroline Channing : Seriously guys, I need actual cash. This guy just offered to pay me in ideas.
Max Black : If I pull this plug, the Internet will go down. And you,
[Max points to a customer]
Max Black : that sad e-mail you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend, the one you shouldn't send anyway? Gone. And you.
[she points to another customer]
Max Black : that vaguely pornographic anime film you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours? Gone. And you,
[she points to another customer]
Max Black : that screenplay you've been writing? You can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends, with you moving back in with your mother.
Caroline Channing : Now, who's gonna order?
[Everybody raises their hand]
Max Black : Great, I'll go get some menus. Here, Caroline, put this back.
[Max gives the router to Caroline but the plug accidentally comes out, shutting down the Internet]
Earl : Ooh, my cookie warmer.
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[Max accidentally opens the door on Caroline sitting in a bath tub masturbating with a shower head]
Caroline Channing : What are you doing? Knock first.
Max Black : Why are your legs up in the air like that? And why were you holding the shower head down by your...
[Max then realizes why]
Max Black : Oh, oh oh!
[Max closes the door, she then opens the shade into the bathroom]
Max Black : I'm sorry. I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself, not feeling your bad self.
[Caroline closes the bathroom shade]
Caroline Channing : What are you doing home already? Why aren't you at the Candy Andy party?
[Max gives Caroline a strange look]
Caroline Channing : Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not I'm like the only person in the world who masturbates.
Max Black : Also, Andy's here.
[Caroline slowly turns around and sees Andy]
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Caroline Channing : Say something.
Max Black : Can't. It's all to wonderful!
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Caroline Channing : I feel weird.
Max Black : Relax it's just your lady parts waking up from hibernation.
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Max Black : I'm sure she'll be alright.
[Max hears Caroline vomiting from the other room]