The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Parking Spot Escalation (2012)
Kunal Nayyar: Raj Koothrappali
Quotes
-
Howard Wolowitz : Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : [seeing Howard naked on the couch] AHHHH! He's in my spot. Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
Leonard Hofstadter : Howard, what are you doing?
Howard Wolowitz : He wasn't using it, and I needed a nice, cool piece of leather to wiggle my naked ass on.
Sheldon Cooper : Get off there.
Howard Wolowitz : Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
Sheldon Cooper : Give me back my parking space.
Howard Wolowitz : You don't need a parking space. You don't have a car.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, you don't need an Iron Man helmet. You're not Iron Man.
Howard Wolowitz : Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
Raj Koothrappali : [to Leonard] I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Well, Howard, thank you. It's quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
Howard Wolowitz : Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : Which I find totally unacceptable. I must be the bigger man. Therefore, you may use my spot until such time as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.
Howard Wolowitz : Wow, okay. Well, thanks. I don't know what to say.
Sheldon Cooper : There is nothing to say. Except I'm the bigger man. I'm not kidding. Say it.
Raj Koothrappali : Just say it.
Howard Wolowitz : You're the bigger man, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, stop. And I believe this is yours. FYI, if you wear that into a bank, they will tackle you to the ground.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Your hypothesis is completely disconfirmed by all the data. You're just clinging to it out of intellectual stubbornness.
Raj Koothrappali : No, you're displaying a shocking ignorance of the subject matter. Mummies and zombies are the exact same thing.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh yeah? Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
Raj Koothrappali : That's called a fashion choice.
Leonard Hofstadter : Alright, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
Sheldon Cooper : If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie that's been eaten from the waist down, You, sir, have no leg to stand on.
-
Raj Koothrappali : [to Leonard] If a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or a "zompire"?
-
Sheldon Cooper : That's my parking spot.
Raj Koothrappali : Why do you have a parking spot? You don't have a car. You don't drive.
Sheldon Cooper : It doesn't matter. That's my spot.
Leonard Hofstadter : Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm not using my nipples either. Maybe they should reassign those.
Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon, someday, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. Well, it's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days, and is also home to a delightful squirrel which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.
Howard Wolowitz : Fun story. Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
Sheldon Cooper : Don't try to change the subject. This is about a parking space. It has nothing to do with cars.
Howard Wolowitz : Are you listening to yourself?
Sheldon Cooper : I always listen to myself. It's one of the great joys of my life. Now get your car out of my spot.