- Bart Simpson: Santa's Little Helper! Santa's Little Helper!
- Lisa Simpson: I love that dog, but that is one long, stupid name.
- Marge Simpson: The pound hasn't reported any greyhounds, but they have a daschund, a schnauzer and a pregnant raccoon.
- Homer Simpson: Sounds like a trade up. How much for the pregnant raccoon?
- Marge Simpson: We're not getting a raccoon!
- Homer Simpson: Good, Marge. Get the price down.
- Homer Simpson: Well, I can't lift anything this heavy without my weightlifting belt.
- [Bends down to reach belt, but cracks his back and moans]
- Marge Simpson: You know you can't lift your weightlifting belt without wearing your weightlifting belt.
- Bart Simpson: Your stories have endings now?
- Grampa: Yup, ever since they started putting something in the jello at the home.
- Homer Simpson: [Playing Villageville] Time to get a snack, but first, should I introduce the bubonic plague? Eh, what could be the harm?
- [Selects "yes"]
- Homer Simpson: Oh, now I have to buy a corpse wagon.