- Clark: Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was, uh, like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.
- Dwight Schrute: [on phone with Jim] I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills, Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of Handsome and Stinky: Paper Brothers for Hire.
- Jim Halpert: Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, God, this again? You're Stinky.
- Jim Halpert: Okay, there's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something.
- Dwight Schrute: Phyllis, my sister? More like my dead great-great-grandmother who died of stupidity.
- Phyllis Vance: I have ears, Dwight.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears.
- [back to Jim]
- Dwight Schrute: See what you leave me with here, Jim?
- Jim Halpert: Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now.
- Dwight Schrute: How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour.
- Jim Halpert: Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour?
- Dwight Schrute: Hmm. That's a good... question. 300 times...
- [Jim hangs up]
- Dwight Schrute: 180... Um that comes to 25 minutes.
- [realizes Jim hung up]
- Dwight Schrute: Yes. Oh, well, thank you, Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you.
- Erin Hannon: The pen delivery went amazing, and now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I'm not one of those people who's just like, Uh, sure. I'll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back's turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand... they are just sitting here. Pam didn't tell me not to unpack them. Don't want to be a busybody, but I don't want to be a lazybones.