- Manny Delgado: I thought I'd eat breakfast al fresco.
- Jay Pritchett: Does that mean he took his pants off? Because if he can, I can.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You can take him to his baby class.
- Jay Pritchett: Why? He already knows how to be a baby.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Honey, I love you, but I can't laugh at that again.
- Luke Dunphy: [after Alex spills sugar on the floor] I'll eat it for a dollar.
- Phil Dunphy: Luke, what have I told you about doing things for money?
- Luke Dunphy: If you charge more, they'll think you're worth it.
- Phil Dunphy: Right. That's worth at least five.
- Jay Pritchett: I found a new way to bond.
- [cut to Jay buying a movie ticket for Skyfall]
- Jay Pritchett: James Bond.
- Cameron Tucker: I will not stay here and be insulted, and if there were a door here, I would slam it in your face.
- Claire Dunphy: I thought we weren't flaming 'til the quarter hour.
- Phil Dunphy: What are you doing?
- Alex Dunphy: Sweeping.
- Phil Dunphy: No, you're not! You're just spreading it around!
- Luke Dunphy: It's gonna cost more for me to eat it now.
- Phil Dunphy: Dad, I need your help.
- Frank Dunphy: Are we doing that thing again where you put on different outfits like in Pretty Woman?
- Claire Dunphy: [Spills water on her shirt] Oh, what have I done? Now my shirt is all see-through.
- Cameron Tucker: And so are you. I know what you're doing.
- Pam: So do I, but I am enjoying this show immensely.
- Phil Dunphy: [Shows Alex and Hayley the water heater] Okay, what are we looking at?
- Haley Dunphy: Photosynthesis.
- Phil Dunphy: [after a pause] In a way, yes. Just as photosynthesis turns carbon dioxide into oxygen, this water heater turns cold water into hot.
- Alex Dunphy: What turns this conversation into over?