Barney Stinson: [Barney is angry that Ted slept with his half-sister] That's my sister, Ted!
Ted Mosby: I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you. It's all a crazy coincidence.
Barney Stinson: There are four million women in the city of New York and you had to sleep with my sister. Why would the universe do that to me?
Ted Mosby: [Sarcastic] I don't know. It's not like you've treated women in such a way that wouldn't invite karmic retribution.
Barney Stinson: You banged my sister, my sweet, little, innocent...
Ted Mosby: Pierced.
Barney Stinson: Really, where?
[gets on]
Barney Stinson: Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt what you did to her last night. It wasn't a Bro-nection - it was a Sis-nection. Oh my God, Ted did you...
[whispers in Ted's ear]
Ted Mosby: Big-time.
Barney Stinson: Nice, high-five
[high-fives Ted, but...]
Barney Stinson: No, NO! Retraction Five!
[high-fives Ted again and reverses words]
Ted Mosby: Hey, hey you're the one who begged for a proxy bang - and while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom! Mom beats sister.
Barney Stinson: I never banged your mom!
[winks]
Ted Mosby: You just did that winking again!
Barney Stinson: No I didn't.
[winks again]
Ted Mosby: Okay fine. Barney were you a little sore this morning, especially...
[whispers in Barney's ear]
Barney Stinson: [Aghast] Friendship OVER!
[marches out of bar]