The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cooper/Kripke Inversion (2013)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Quotes
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[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, your food's getting cold.
Sheldon Cooper : I'll eat later. Right now I'm suckling at the informative bosom of Mother Physics.
Penny : Hot when Sheldon talks dirty.
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Raj Koothrappali : [Opening the package with his and Howard's action figures] Say hello to an exact scale model of me.
[Raj's figure looks like a black man]
Raj Koothrappali : Ohhh, I'm not dark chocolate! I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel!
Howard Wolowitz : [Howard's action figure has a huge nose] Oh, man! Look at my nose!
Leonard Hofstadter : Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard Wolowitz : What?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah. Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.
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Sheldon Cooper : [to Penny] Do you have any idea what it's like to be paired with someone who is so incredibly annoying?
Leonard Hofstadter : [raises hand] Oh, teacher, me! Me!
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Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, no!
[Star Wars' Darth Vader theme is playing]
Penny : What is that?
Leonard Hofstadter : That is Sheldon's "I'm unhappy and about to destroy the planet" music. Hey, let's just go to your place.
Penny : Well, wait, if he's unhappy shouldn't we talk to him?
Leonard Hofstadter : Shouldn't we talk to him? Have you learned nothing in six years?
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Penny : Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course.
Leonard Hofstadter : You ever gonna sleep with Amy?
Sheldon Cooper : That's awfully personal.
Leonard Hofstadter : We don't ask Sheldon things like that.
Penny : Maybe you don't, I do. What's the deal?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, word around the university is I'm giving her sex organs a proper jostling.
Penny : All right, come on. Be serious. Look, you guys have been going out a long time. She would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?
Leonard Hofstadter : All right, we're down the rabbit hole. What are you doing?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, first of all, I'm quite fond of Amy.
Penny : So, what's the problem?
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others-handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.
Leonard Hofstadter : Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you.
Penny : Okay, hang on. Are you saying someday you and Amy might... actually get physical?
Sheldon Cooper : [a long pause] It's a possibility.
Penny : [silently, grabbing Leonard's shoulder] Oh, my God!
[Out loud]
Penny : Sheldon, I know this wasn't easy for you, and I'm really glad we could have this conversation.
Sheldon Cooper : Hey.
[Penny starts to punch and slap Leonard in excitement]
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon Lee Cooper, I do not have time for this nonsense! Now go put your clothes on, get in the car and let's go to work!
Sheldon Cooper : All right, geez! What a grouch.
Leonard Hofstadter : How did I do that? I gotta remember how I did that.
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Penny : I hate it when you make me sit through all the credits.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, sometimes there's a secret ending, like in The Avengers.
Penny : Leonard, I don't think that's going to happen in a documentary about the Holocaust.
Leonard Hofstadter : They could show bloopers.
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Penny : Want me to make you some tea?
Sheldon Cooper : Tea is for when I'm upset; I'm not upset. The university is forcing me to work with Kripke. I'm outraged.
Leonard Hofstadter : So, cocoa?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, cocoa!
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Leonard Hofstadter : [Howard and Raj are disappointed about how their action figures turned out] Hmm, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.
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Sheldon Cooper : If Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense, and whimsically inventive.
Leonard Hofstadter : [to Penny] Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny : That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard Hofstadter : I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.