The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Tenure Turbulence (2013)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Raj Koothrappali : Unbelievable! You have some nerve showing up here just to schmooze with the tenure committee.

  Sheldon Cooper : You're here.

  Raj Koothrappali : Excuse me. I'm here to pay my respects to Professor Tupperware or whatever his name is.

  Sheldon Cooper : So am I. His passing makes me feel bad.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, well, well, Sheldon, fancy meeting you here. I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion after all.

  [to Raj] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : And you. You said you weren't coming here either.

  Raj Koothrappali : I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'd like to know why Penny's here.

  Penny : I'm here to support my man, just like you.

  Sheldon Cooper : What are you going to do? Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Do it!

  [Penny slips off her coat and is wearing a short black dress with prominently displayed breasts. Raj stares at her] 

  Sheldon Cooper : What? Did she do it yet?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, that's a fine how do you do. Don't just stand there, take your breasts out.

  Howard Wolowitz : Ooooohh, meerkat fight.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job, and no amount of gravity defying bosom's going to change that. Seriously, is that tape? Like how are they staying up like that?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Way to hit 'em with both barrels.

  Raj Koothrappali : You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Using women to advance your cause with sexuality and whatever Amy plans on doing.

• Sheldon Cooper : I understand you may have a bad impression of me; so, I bought you a gift.

  Janine Davis : Uh, Doctor Cooper, that's not necessary.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's too late. Get ready to like me.

  [Gives her gift] 

  Janine Davis : Roots?

  Sheldon Cooper : The tragic history of slavery in America; fun for the whole family.

  Janine Davis : Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?

  Sheldon Cooper : Um... Well... You are black, right?

  Janine Davis : This meeting is come to an end.

  Sheldon Cooper : Because you want to start watching it right now. Copy that.

  [Sheldon exits to the hallway] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Let's see. Up next on the tenure committee is... Professor Wu. Get ready for the complete works of Jackie Chan.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : You know, if you really want tenure, maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision.

  Sheldon Cooper : Sheldon Cooper does not do 'cozy'.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You don't say.

• [last lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [knock knock knock]  Mrs. Davis.

  [knock knock knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Mrs. Davis.

  [knock knock knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Mrs. Davis.

  [pause] 

  Sheldon Cooper : I know you're in there; I saw your car in the parking lot.

  Janine Davis : [opening door]  What?

  Sheldon Cooper : I just found out that you recommended myself, Dr. Hofstadter and Dr. Koothrappali to be on the short list for tenure.

  Janine Davis : Well, despite your quirks, the three of you are very accomplished in your respective fields.

  Sheldon Cooper : Don't know what you mean by quirks, but, um, I do want to express my gratitude.

  Janine Davis : You didn't bring another gift, did you?

  Sheldon Cooper : No, no. No, I learned my lesson. I understand that was inappropriate.

  Janine Davis : Good.

  Sheldon Cooper : [holds out hand]  Anyway, thank you.

  Janine Davis : You're welcome.

  [she holds out her hand and he performs a complicated dap greeting] 

  Janine Davis : I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.

  [returns to her office] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, right on, sister!

• Sheldon Cooper : My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow. Or a chain saw.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Or, you take advantage of your new found economic stability and move out, buy a house, get married, start a family.

  Sheldon Cooper : Or... the chain saw.

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies; instead it reverts to its asexual and then grows up again.

  Howard Wolowitz : We thought my ninety-year-old grandfather had reverted to an asexual state, but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong.

  Leonard Hofstadter : My point is immortality is not only a possibility; it is real.

  Raj Koothrappali : Only if you're this jellyfish, which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.

  Sheldon Cooper : If I could keep my Gmail account I'd be OK with that.

• Sheldon Cooper : While I disagree with the premise of tenure if they gave it to me, it wouldn't diminish my output. I'm like the sun. I can't turn this off.

• Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous. A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent. If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well?

  Sheldon Cooper : Mm-hmm.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Do they know they don't stand a chance 'cause you're so great?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well put.